Hello readers of all sorts, everywhere! I must say that it feels pretty damn good to be back after almost a month of inactivity. To be perfectly blunt, I have been plagued with the worst fucking type of writer’s block. I had tried just about everything to get over this damn disease—random writing prompts, fan fiction, ranting about books I hate, even writing an entire blog post by hand—and nothing was working for me. Just when I had finished painting a bright red target on my walls, one which would suffice a head to punch them, my gloriously wonderful nephew provided me with a suggestion that I simply could not pass up!
With a quick Google search, he brought up a list of atrocious book covers from the 80s era, some even predating the 1980s. Most of them, if not all, were horrendously hilarious. A couple of weeks ago I had shared a Twitter conversation that I had with a couple of lovely book bloggers about the atrocities that are the aged covers of science-fiction literature from these specific time periods. It made him laugh after a crappy day of being bullied, and it was fun to share some of my bibliophilic theatrics with him. I never would have imagined that this conversation would come back to me in such a fashion, but bloody hell, am I so fricking glad it did!
With the assistance of my highly intelligent and most benevolent assistant, we have decided to create a weekly segment on this blog of BiblioNyan, where every Wednesday I shall shuffle through my shelves in search of a book cover that is everything but beautiful. Most of these are laughable antiquities, whilst others are just plain creepy and quite insane. Thus the segment of scribbling shall be labeled “WTF Wednesdays” because these covers are truly nothing short of a What the Fuck?! kind of moment.
In addition to a photo of said cringey cover, I shall also provide a little blurb of whatever the novel pertains to, and all the other technical stats you lovelies may be interested in. If you have any suggestions, submissions, or etc. for this crazy little weekly delicacy, please do share them! I would love to see some of your favourites, and even share them with a small bit of prattling (with permission of course!).
So, without further delay, ladies, gents, and cats everywhere, let’s kick this sucker off!
Our pilot Wednesday shall begin with this beautiful gem right here, straight out of 1977 we have The Heaven Makers written by the immensely talented Frank Herbert.
This is by far one of the cringiest covers that I have seen in a very long time, and before any of you ask, yes. This delightfully horrific creature truly is from my personal library. Yes… I own this beast, and I own it proud… Pardon me while I go sob in a closet…
If I were to provide you with my very first impressions on this (and brace yourselves as this will be quite vulgar and colorful), it severely looks like Dracula fucked a Vulcan… at Shakespeare festival… in the year 2120… Yes…
Nightmarish gigantic aliens with thespian fetishes aside, just what the hell is this damn book about anyway?! Here’s the blurbz.
Strange aliens had invaded Earth thousands of years ago. They were eternal beings who made full sensory movies of wars, of natural disasters–and of the most macabre human horrors–to relieve their endless boredom.
And then, when they finally became jaded by ordinary, run-of-the-mill tragedies, they found new ways of creating their own disasters…just for kicks.
But interfering with Earth’s natives was strictly against regulations, and the authorities occasionally did check into these matters. However, by the time investigator Kelexel arrived on the scene, the trouble had been going on for a long, long time–and things were getting worse!
Sheesh, if boredom creates a face like that, remind me to invest in A LOT MORE KITTIES FOR ENTERTAINMENT BECAUSE GODDAMN THAT’S SCARY!!
Jokes as terrible as this cover aside, from simply reading the blurb you can tell this novel belongs in the era of 1970s at the very least. It doesn’t sound like the greatest fucking book out there, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in learning what these “most macabre human horror” level disasters would be. The premise does sound rather appealing to me, but then again I love reading the grammatical catastrophe that are the Mortal Kombat novels… So, maybe I’m not the best judge here. With that, I’ll see you guys again next week for another segment of… W.T.F. WEDNESDAY?!?!
Go ahead and drop me a comment if you can: what do you think of the cover? The synopsis? Any terribly inappropriate jokes come to mind?