Happy Wednesday afternoon to all the book wyrms, otaku monokumas, and friends of all sorts! I hope that you are having a good and content week so far.
I was tagged by the absolutely marvellous Sam @ A Nerdy Perspective to do this tag. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I must confess that this one took me some time to do because it required me to really think about the things that inspire and motivate me to keep on going day in and day out. But I’m glad I did it because it makes me that much more grateful and appreciative for those things.
- Mention the person that nominated you.
- List 13 reasons why you keep going/living. (This is borrowed from the book, but I’m taking it in the opposite direction.)
- Nominate 10 or more people to give their reasons why.
- Use the picture I created in your post.
My Reasons Why
13. Languages to Learn
- I love languages and there are a few that I would like to learn so that I can read in them, and this helps motivate me to keep going.
12. Video Games to Play
- I love video games and there are far too many that I would like to play and experience.
11. Books to Read & Anime to Watch
- I know, these are technically two things, but I love them both equally. So, I’m counting them as one. I have over 5,000 books in my house and most of them are unread. I refuse to die until I read every last one. So… naturally, I must live forever, mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahah… okay, I’m done with that.
- Sir Betrothed and I would love to see the world; embark outside of our cushiony corner and experience the different cultures, people, and places. Can’t die until I share this with the best partner ever.
- My dream car is the AE86 and one day I will get to buy one, built it like the tofu drift machine it is, and drive it like a dream. I would love to experience this, even if the car only lasts for like an hour. Worth it.
8. Helping People
- I really want to help people, especially when it comes to dealing with mental illnesses. There is too much hatred and negativity associated with mental illness, preventing people from getting help, even the non-professional, self-help type of help. I want them to know they’re not alone and they can fight it. They don’t have to be controlled or ruled by it.
- I have always wanted to get my Bachelor’s degree in a field I’m passionate about. I expect it to be one of the most stressful periods of my life, but it’s a dream I’ve had since I was a child. It feels wrong to give up before I even give this a try.
- Another dream I’ve had since I was a child is to become a published author. I’m really hoping that one day I can walk into a bookstore and see something that I created right there on the shelf next to Lisa See and Neil Gaiman, or Haruki Murakami and Salman Rushdie. It would be…stupendous.
5. My Friends and Family
- Since most of my friends are my family, I figured it’d be okay to lump them into one section. While I may not believe it all of the time, due to my trust issues and insecurities about betrayal, I know deep down inside that my family and friends would be devastated if something were to happen to me. I could never give them that sort of pain, and I’d never want them to feel that sort of heartbreak. So… gotta keep going.
4. Myself & The Boss Man
- You’d think this would be higher on the list, but I have more important people keeping me going. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that I would like to live for myself. I have been through so much shit and I have come so damn close to death, most self-inflicted and some not. Yet, I’m still here, regardless of that stuff I went through. While I’m not a religious person (I don’t believe in organised religion specifically, and Buddhism for me is a philosophical way of life), I do believe in a higher being, who I refer to as The Boss Man, and I’m sure that They aren’t ready for me to go yet. Why else would I still be here? That makes me want to keep going and see what else is out there waiting for me.
3. My Cats
- This may sound silly, but my cats are my kids. As someone who can probably never have children because of my health, I love my cats very, very dearly. They mean everything to me. I remember when I was trying to get out of a terrible situation, one of my cats, who was technically my ex-husband’s, ended up sticking by me in unexpected ways. By sensing what had happened to me, and somehow recognising that his human was an abusive asstart, he abandoned my ex for me. Even began to hiss at him whenever my ex would approach me. Through my coldest nights, literally, he would snuggle up next to me to keep me warm, him and his brother, and they kept me alive, kept me going, again, literally. My cats were there for me when even my mother wouldn’t be. I will always love them and cherish them for that. They are my best friends and my family and some of the best things that have ever happened to me. People who say cats aren’t loyal or don’t care about their humans are completely wrong.
2. Sir Betrothed
- The only one to come slightly above my cats would be Sir Betrothed. I never expected to find a partner who… well, like Sir Betrothed. For the first time I was respected and treated like an equal. I was treated with love and admiration and compassion; as a human being. I was accepted for being a person of colour, Queer, gender neutral, having an Islamic background–everything that set me apart or gave people reasons to be hateful. Sir Betrothed never made me feel small because of those things, ever. Sir Betrothed also motivates me, pushes me, and believes in me, especially when I don’t have the strength to believe in myself. This affection and belief is empowering, and it makes me never want to look down the barrel of death willingly again.
1. A Promise to My Brother.
- A long time ago before my brother died, we made a promise to one another that if either one of us couldn’t make it, for whatever reason, that the other would live to the best of their ability. They would live fully and without hesitation for the one who couldn’t. It’s the most important vow I have ever made, and I will never break it. I will keep on living, to make the choice to keep going, because of him. I owe him that much, and SO much more for everything that he did for me.
I’m sorry if my answers became too emotional. This was kind of an emotional thing to do! But, as I mentioned earlier, I’m glad that I did it. It gave me a lot of perspective. 😊 So, thank you, Sam!