Self-Care Sunday #6: The Power of Perception – Turning Negatives into Positives

Hey, friends. I hope that you are all doing well. If you aren’t doing grand, then don’t worry about it too much. Sometimes we need to let our bodies, including our brains and emotions not just the limbs and muscles, be blobs to help process whatever is going on, or simply to rejuvenate when shit gets tough. I promise it won’t last forever. ♥

This week I have returned with something that was quite the fresh experience for me, and one that had a profoundly uplifting impact. If you caught my previous SCS (Self-Care Sunday) post, I announced that I was going to be beginning a half-hiatus in an effort to focus on taking care of my mental and emotional well-being in the aftermath of helping a very dear friend of mine. Well, half of that has been great, while the other half has been one bleeding tornado of emotions, to say the least. In the process of dealing with it, I began my official counselling sessions with a health and wellness coach in an effort to improve my health—mental, physical, and spiritual. I will admit right off the bat that her assistance and suggestions are probably the only things that have kept me so focused and kept me from completely falling apart, until recently.

I’m going to provide an update on what has been going on, so I can better explain how the coping techniques I want to discuss today have benefitted me.

** Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I am simply one person who is reaching out and sharing their experiences and techniques that has helped them be able to move forward in life. Do not take anything that I say as medical advice as I am not a medical professional, and information provided here on BiblioNyan should not be construed as such. Thank you. **

My friend finally escaped her abusive relationship and we invited her to live with us while she recovers and to be able to stand up on her own again. Sir Betrothed and I felt so relieved when she announced that they had parted ways. Initially, we were worried about her emotionally, but she is a very strong person and she’s got much more fortitude than she gives herself credit for. I think with our ghostly support in the background, she’ll be good-to-go in no time. However, now that she is living with us, I have had to undergo a bit of an adjustment period. As someone who is extremely introverted and can only handle a particular level of social interaction before I burn out, it has been strange having someone move into our house and be a part of what I call my Safe Space, which is where I can be myself one-hundred percent without concern or crippling anxiety and paranoia; I use my accent without fear of prejudice, etc. It is exactly as it sounds: it’s safe place for me to rejuvenate and get my bearings so I can meander back into Life. My Safe Space used to be the whole house, but in light of current events, it has turned into my bedroom only.

Initially, when I began to recognise that I was withdrawing to such a severe extent, I also started to co-relate it to the increase in Low days, which for the past week has been almost every single day. I feel great in the mornings for a couple of hours, but like clockwork I find myself in the mud again. Honestly, I freaked the fuck out about it on Friday. I just sat in my car after I arrived at Sir Betrothed’s work (their bosses let me sit in their cosy lobby and read while I wait for them to get off) and cried so much. Then I told Sir Betrothed that I felt as if I’m a waste-of-space because all I want to do is help my friend, but instead I’m turning into this self-absorbed bag of incompetence when I should be focusing on her. I’ve had moments like this sporadically throughout the past two weeks (she moved in the same night as I went on my hiatus), but I hadn’t allowed myself to fall apart like this. They took their lunch early to talk to me face-to-face, and became very, very stern with me.

Jasmine Mad

Sir Betrothed said the same things to me that I tell all of my friends—and others that I help—when they are going through something similar. Hell, I’ve said these very words in my previous two SCS posts. It is not my responsibility to fix everyone’s problems, as much as I would love to in order to help them out. It is impossible and unhealthy for me to take all of that burden upon myself like I’m God. We are doing the best thing for our friend, which is providing her with a Safe Space of her own to figure her shit out so she can move on, without any time constraints. Everything else that comes after that is entirely on her, with us offering more assistance when it’s needed, but most importantly when she asks for it. They told me that by falling apart—which is completely okay to do when the emotions become too much—to the point where I’m questioning my value as a person, is wholly unacceptable and unhealthy, and allows my Depression and harmful thoughts to consume and control me, as well as to invalidate the opinions of those who care deeply for me, such as how much of an asset the respective friendship/relationship is to their lives.

Sir Betrothed also made me understand that a Safe Space doesn’t have to be entirely one place or thing. It can be anywhere or anything, and there is no reason that my Safe Spaces can’t change and adapt with me as I need them to. They also opened my eyes to the realisation that my room being my sanctuary isn’t a bad or unhealthy thing. The only reason it may feel that way is because of how I’m perceiving it. If I allowed myself to put a positive spin on it, it’s not nearly as threatening or negative. For example, I had felt banished (self-inflicted) because I am so uncomfortable in the presence of others, even with good friends. The only exceptions to this are Sir Betrothed and two of my cousins with whom I’ve super close. Now I don’t see it as the land of the exiled as I did earlier in the week. We are lucky that we have a house that is big enough for us to help our friend and that still allows me to have a decent sized area where I can cave when the need arises. It’s kind of like my own personal medicated hot springs, just without the actual hot springs bit. My room is a retreat, not a prison, and when I finally changed my perspective, I felt SO much better. Honestly, it’s quite incredible how much better I felt.

Yesterday morning, for the first time in the past two weeks, when I woke up I was feeling content and good, and a couple hours later I didn’t fall face-flat into the mud. I stretched in bed with my cats, did my morning hygiene routine and got dressed, grabbed a mocha frap from my mini-fridge, and headed out to the library. The library is a place that I have been going to to escape from reality since I got my card back in March. In a way, my local library is as much of a Safe Space as my bedroom, while not nearly as comfortable. This immediately reminded me of what Sir Betrothed had said about Safe Spaces being adaptable. After I arrived, while I was paroozing books (not that I need to check out more, I was already at 21 check-outs, someone seriously save me), I began to ponder the things that happened during the past two weeks. Instead of ruminating on the negative effects, I did as Sir Betrothed advised and tried to view it from a different lens, which was really fucking hard, and by the time I walked out of the library (with seven more books, good grief), I was smiling and feeling so much lighter on my feet than ever.


Jafar

Perception is a nasty bitch sometimes (see .GIF above). She is manipulative with malcontent intentions, but the kicker is that we do this to ourselves, especially if we are suffering from depression. Depression makes us think all kinds of unfortunate things; things that are drenched, breaded, and fried with negativity (now I want tempura and French fries) and because of that we are automatically trained to think the absolute worse things, specifically regarding ourselves as individuals. When something “bad” happens, we blame ourselves. When we feel shitty, we think that on some level we may deserve to feel shitty, or we get pulled beneath the surface with even more shitty thoughts that compile. Yet, if you force your brain to shut the hell up for a second and try your damndest to look at a situation or feeling from the other side, from a pair of bright orange shutter shades, you will see that the negativity doesn’t need to be there and the only reason it is, is because we are giving it permission to affect us.

I know this is much more difficult to do in actuality than it is for me sit here on my cushiony ass and type it all out. But I can only say that this works because I did it. I fought through my sweat, tears, and heart-ache, I looked past my self-loathing and depressive cloak of misguidance and forced myself to think from a place that is highly unfamiliar and uncomfortable for me: a positive perspective. Instead of saying: this room is a prison that I cannot escape, I shake my head, look at it like a new-born babe and say: holy shit, this place has a queen size bed, mini-fridge, gaming computer with fast internet and surround sounds, and a big Hello Kitty bathroom. Not to mention all the books and a bookshelf full of anime. THIS IS THE ULTIMATE INTROVERT CAVE OF WONDERS! Boom. New perspective. New happy feelings.

Genie Perspective

So, the next time you find yourself feeling negative about anything at all, stop, tell your brain to shut the fuck up. Then take a deep breath and close your eyes. Try focusing on a different perspective with whatever may be causing your negative feelings. Your parents are being assholes about something? Stop and focus on the other side. Are they being assholes because they’re shitty, or are they coming from a good place but have terrible execution because that’s what they learned from their parents growing up? Your friend didn’t call you back like they promised you they would? Instead of wondering why, or if you did something wrong, say, “They probably became busy or forgot. This gives me a chance to do something for myself.” You received a bad grade on an assignment you worked hard on (been there SO hard)? Other side? It’s a chance to learn where you went wrong and learn from it. Or you can put that grade behind you, and when the next assignment comes up, be more proactive with talking to the teach for help. If they’re an asshat, then talk to your fellow students. There’s always a way.

If there is no rhyme or reason behind those feelings at all, which is common with Depression, then I want you to choose one positive thing in your life that makes you smile and think about it. It can be your favourite pen or pencil to sketch with, your favourite candy or beverage, your favourite pair of socks (my favourite thought), a happy memory—legit, anything. When the socks don’t work for me, I think about Kheb being a boat. It always makes me laugh.

Perception is a very powerful tool on our belt or tucked into our boots. Yes, it can be a weapon of death, but only if we allow it to be. Like anything in life, it requires patience and discipline, however. The most important requirement is the desire to feel better and not let your depression control you. As long as you want to feel better and be better, you are golden and that means you can do this. As Old Man Jafar says, “Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.” You’ve got the gold, mate. Make your own rules. Fuck Depression. Just don’t kick yourself in the ass, or anywhere else, if it doesn’t work on the first or second try.

jafar Gold


Thank you so much for visiting me today. Until next time, keep reading and keep otakuing. 💜


Hello, friends! If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting me with a one-time Ko-Fi ($3) donation, so that I can pay for my medications, and for the maintenance and upkeep of the blog! I would greatly appreciate any ounce of support you could provide. Thank you. 🖤

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19 thoughts on “Self-Care Sunday #6: The Power of Perception – Turning Negatives into Positives

  1. I don’t know exactly how to make this clear to you in the space of a comment without sounding like a broken record: but I think you are totally amazing. For one thing the care you give your friend despite having enough troubles of your own is something that is reserved for only a few special people. Not everyone will be able to do something like that. Secondly this post is true inspiration and will help so many people. I’m (or at least I try to be) an optimist myself, and a lot of things we do are definitely not helped by how we perceive them. Sometimes we look at something that happens quite negatively, while in reality it might not be so bad, or even something quite positive.
    I’m so very happy to read though that you are feeling better too! This post was absolutely amazing, in fact it’s the best thing I have read all week. Too bad this one can’t be entered on this month’s Jon’s Creator Showcase: it would totally make the cut!.
    Keep believing in yourself and hold on to this feeling you are having now: You are, and are doing great! 😊 Happy Sunday 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much, Michel. I feel that it is very easy, in theory, to think about the idea of having positive thoughts, but physically training yourself to be positive and have a change of perspective is much harder. I have always been more of a realist than an optimist. I try not to be pessimistic either, just in between. I used to think that being positive was unrealistic or illogical, but now I know that that isn’t necessarily the case, which is going to do good things in battle against depression.

      Things with my friend took a very good turn today and I think things are going to get much better from here on out. 🙂

      Thanks for being so kind and supportive always. ♥♥ Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It really is tough to change your thoughts to something positive. During my hiatus I had a very hard time with that as well, but it helps when you talk about it with good friends, and people that appreciate you. That’s exactly the reason why I think that this post is so incredibly wonderful: it will help so much people just by reading it alone. And that is why I think you should be very proud of yourself 😊😊
        Glad to hear that things are going better with your friend as well. 😀😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you. I still have my days where I’m like, “Nope, positivity is not a party for me today.” And I think that’s okay. As long as I don’t allow myself to get pulled beneath the surface. 🙂 Thanks so much for everything. ♥

        Liked by 1 person

      • We all have days like that. Currently things are going pretty bad at the company I work for, and I’m just not really enjoying my job the way that I used too. But, I try to keep positive about it anyway, and try to find things that I can still get energy from. Some days that works better than others, but as you say: the most important thing is not to get pulled beneath the surface 😊😊 And you can do that! I pretty much am convinced you can 😊😊😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m learning to float better, and I keep trying to learn how to adapt when floating isn’t enough. I feel that’s the best I can do, just keep trying. I’m sorry to hear about your work. I hope things will look up eventually. I remember when Sir Betrothed was going through similar with their work. It’s definitely a difficult thing to deal with. 💜

        Like

      • I understand, and trying really is the best way to keep doing it. It’s not easy, and there will be days when you might not succeed. But that’s only normal. It’s great though that things certainly seem to be looking better for you 😊
        The work situation is kind of annoying that is true…but I try to make the best of it, and not let it get to me much 😊😊 Thanks so much though 😀😀❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Changing perspective is indeed helpful. I learned that 2 years ago, I think it was. I made a mistake that set me back financially and I was berating myself about it, which made me feel horrible, but when I changed my perspective on it, I was able to not only feel a little better and realize that the situation is one I could learn from, but also find a solution to my problem. It is hard to change one’s perspective though, but once done, it can be extremely helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad that it was something that helped you! When I started doing that this weekend, I noticed solutions to other small problems that I was dealing with as well, and that just contributed overall to the happy vibes. It can be an amazing tool to say the very least.

      Like

  3. It’s very easy to view perception as a common sense sort of thing. I mean, it’s easy to say, “Yeah, I know. Think happy thoughts and happy shit will happen.” But when you don’t physically practise that line of thinking, you don’t realise just how fucking difficult it really is, and how life changing it can be. While in theory it all seems easy and common, it’s far more complex and challenging, but also that much more rewarding. Wonderful post, cousin.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great advice. Positivity is so important in a world as filled with cynicism and negativity as ours is, and sometimes you have to take specific steps to remove yourself from negative environments as much as you can. For me, that’s why I’m not nearly as active on Twitter as I have been, as there’s so much complaining and anger and negativity on there that it has, in the past, had a profound impact on my mental health… for the worse.

    It’s also why I run my blog the way I do — I specifically attempt to “find the good” in the games I write about, even if they are popularly regarded as… not so good. This is going to be particularly interesting this month as I write about Sonic games, since there are several of those that are somewhat notoriously “bad”, supposedly. I haven’t played them, though, so I’m going in with total beginner’s mind… and with the intention of finding something positive and interesting to say about them, rather than just saying that they suck because everyone else says they suck.

    Safe spaces are important. I’m fortunate that both my wife and I feel similarly about such things and are both quite happy to give each other some space when we need it, and to be there for one another when we need it, too. Our house is a haven from the stressors of the outside world, and I intend to keep it that way!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I always knew in the back of my mind that positivity is important and can make an impact, but I didn’t understand what that meant until I began to actually practise it, and it revolutionised my life.

      Me too, I run my blog with complete and total honesty, and never sacrifice who I am as an individual because my blogging space is used as a coping method for my depression and anxiety, so that authenticity is important and vital to me and my mental health. 🙂 I always respect and appreciate other bloggers who do the same. It’s so motivating.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This was an extremelly well written post! Thank you for the courage to come out and write about what you are feeling at the present due to depression! Also, great tip! It was one of the things I really had to work on to be able to surpass anxiety. As you, I had the luck to have a boyfriend at my side helping me with it and showing me that you can always look at things in a positive direction! 😀

    I’m happy that you were able to do this and learn throught this not so good event. Congratulations, you really deserve it! I know how difficult it is to change this kind of mindset!

    Like

  6. Pingback: Brotherhood of the World Bloggers Award | MoeGamer

  7. Beautiful put m’dear. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this as you captured such an important way of thinking masterfully and I really hope this will continue to help you and this post will help others start to shape their world around them as well.😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You summed it up so well!
    I used to go to a therapist for a bit more than a year and he kept telling me similar things. Like every time i felt like i’m going nuts (usually about things i perceived as tragic) he always told me to ask myself “but is there evidence for this thing actually happening?” – well, most often there wasn’t.

    What you did for your friend is awesome! She’s lucky to have someone like you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. ♥

      My psychiatrist has been helping me a lot and most of things that I share on SCS posts are things that we have both worked on together during our sessions, and that have impacted me in a positive way. I think in the back of mind I always figured thinking positively was a no-duh brainer type of thing, but never really realised it’s power until I began to actually apply it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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