Bidding You Adieu!

Hey, friends.

Today, I wanted to chat with you about a decision that I have been struggling with for a few weeks. If I had to be frank, I would say that the difficulties with making this choice have actually been eating away at my mind and heart since around August, when my cat became dreadfully ill, and the decision is to go on an indefinite hiatus.

After reading through Raistlin’s post about how he needs to step away for a while to take care of obligations outside of blogging within his personal life, no matter what sort of obligations those are, I became quite contemplative. I sat down and have been focusing on introspective examination of what blogging means to me as an individual and whether I still get pleasure from it. The truth is that while I do receive a certain amount of pleasure and joy from the physical act of blogging by creating content of various sorts, it just isn’t fulfilling me in the ways that I had hoped it would when I initially began my blog at the end of 2016, at least not anymore.

Through the past couple of years, I have learned that stats don’t truly matter in the big picture. What matters is engagement. People who comment on posts and overall have a conversation with you about something you’ve written or that they’ve written. The numbers don’t mean nearly to me as much as that act of engaging. I have always wanted someone with similar interests to talk to and that is why I began to blog years ago. That and it was also a way for me to battle depression and suicidal thoughts. However, I’m still not getting those conversations that I have been wanting. This isn’t the sole reason behind my hiatus, but it is one that plays an important part.

My discussion posts means so much to me. As a severely anxious person, it was immensely challenging for me to pour my heart and energy into writing those, specifically where anime is concerned. I hit that “Publish” button and wait eagerly for a discussion—as its aptly called—to ensue. Yet, it never comes. The only ones who consistently and regularly chat with me are Sir Besty and Pyar (my cousin), as well as Raistlin. While their support means everything to me, I don’t need a blog to have those exchanges with them. It can be so disappointing to create something that is such a big part of your heart and passions only to have it lay there in the dust.

I hate the feelings that come with it. I don’t want to feel inadequate as writer. Those insecurities and inadequacies are powerfully negative tools that can take me down a depressive hole that I spent so much of my life clawing out of. There is no reason for me to dive back into it when I absolutely don’t need to do so.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is how some content creators like to rip-off or steal ideas and even content from other people, and it’s far worse when those people are individuals with large followings. These posts that are crafted with heart, soul, and great thought being used by others who will probably get that engagement that I didn’t get, is utterly heart-breaking and extremely de-valuing, not just as a creator, but also as a writer and as a person. It is the most disrespectful thing that can be done to a content creator, not to mention excruciatingly frustrating.

After having one of the worst years in a very long time, I’ve recently begun to find comfort in myself again, with my emotional and mental health, and with who I am as a person. I’m pursing long-term passions and aspirations outside of blogging that I never thought I’d be able to do. I don’t want my efforts, my motivation, and even this strong sense of positivity in my life to get strangled due to unfulfillment via another unrelated passion. I briefly chatted about my conflicts over on my Instagram a few days ago, and that mentality that I had in the wake of it is one of strength and perseverance, and it’s more important to me and my future than anything else. It’s something that needs to keep moving forward with me rather than being snuffed out due to an unnecessary sense of obligation. So, I’m taking a hiatus.

I’m not going to apologise for doing what is important to me and my life and my well-being. I’m also not going to view myself as a weak person or an overtly-sensitive person due to the reasons behind my hiatus. We all blog for different reasons. Some of us want fame, others want friends, and others want entirely different things. If you aren’t getting a sense of accomplishment out of something important to you, it is more than okay to step away from that thing. This is a mind-set that seems to be quite taboo and I never understood why because it is such a healthy and vital one. There is no shame in it. I can look back on this in a few years or many years later and say, “I wanted to do blogging, so I did it. I loved it, and then I moved on to other, better things.”

The only thing I will apologise for is for the unfinished serials that I was very excited to partake in, such as the Japanese Journals and the Self-Care Sunday posts. I suppose in a way this can be construed as a self-care post because this hiatus is 100% an act of self-care. Those two serials were things that I adored and was looking forward to expanding. I will also offer a very sincere apology to anyone with whom I was working on a collaboration project, as I will no longer be able to partake in those either. I am truly, very, very sorry for that.

With all of that said, I will finish by saying that I won’t completely disappear. I could always decide to return to blogging, whether in two months or two years. Life is an impulsive and unpredictable mistress that way. My presence online also won’t be erased altogether. Book reviews will be posted on GoodReads and all of my anime-related thoughts, whenever I decide to share them, will be on MAL for friends. I also have my Instagram where I will share my honest experiences with learning Japanese, as well as any and all self-care things that come up. Additionally, I have a YouTube channel where I occasionally talk about bookish topics. So, if you’re interested in keeping in touch, you can find me on those places (links below). If you want to stay in touch in a more personal manner, feel free to drop me an inquiry and I will e-mail you back.

Thank you for a wonderful two years. I have grown so much as a writer, an aficionado of various interests, and as an individual who wants to make the most of their life. The community has been quite supportive and compassionate with me, especially with all of my ups and downs and in-betweens, and it is something that I will always be grateful for regardless of the other things that I mentioned. I bow to you in gratitude and offer my humblest well-wishes to you and all of your future pursuits. Thank you so, so much.

Adieu,

Neko Nyan (Neha)

original


GoodReads
MAL
Instagram
YouTube

Thank you so much for always supporting me, whether you were an active followers or a silent one. I will never be able to convey the amount of joy you have given to me, and who much you have helped me in life, particularly with my anxiety, depression, and loneliness. 🌸🌸🌸

pink flower banner

66 thoughts on “Bidding You Adieu!

  1. I’m sorry that you had a lousy year and you didn’t as much discussion as you wanted. I feel bad because I didn’t do as much as I could have. I wish you well through your future endeavors!

    Liked by 2 people

    • After sharing that post and taking some time away, I feel my comments on the lack of engagement, while it’s still something I wish I had more of, was a bit premature. People are busy and they have lives outside of blogging. They don’t do this full-time and that can contribute a lot to why there aren’t so many comments. There’s also the anxiety factor, which is what I have, and it prevents me from commenting as often as I’d like because it can be a mental drain. With that said, I appreciate all of the other ways you have supported my blog outside of commenting. i’m very grateful for that support and the inclusion into the community that you have given to me. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear you’ll be stepping away — and sorry I haven’t left more comments on your posts! You’ve been very supportive of both me and many other people in this little community of ours, and we all need to take a bit more time to take care of that “engagement” side of things. I started paying more attention to this side of things last year and it’s been a much more enjoyable experience as a result.

    While I may not often get lengthy discussions in my comment sections either, that’s never really been my priority. I too am an anxious person, and for me it’s always been more important for me to feel like I’m being heard rather than to actually have a conversation — it’s that “conversation” bit that brings me anxiety! (This isn’t to say I don’t welcome discussion in my comments sections, of course — it’s just I fear things descending into arguments or even just aggressive disagreement sometimes, though thankfully none of the audience I’ve attracted over the last few years is “like that”.)

    Everyone has their own reasons for blogging, as you say, and if you’re not feeling fulfilled by the experience, it’s a good idea to take a step back and gather your thoughts. There’s nothing stopping you coming back if you feel you miss it — and nothing stopping you being that “engagement” on other people’s blogs, either, of course!

    I hope you’ll still be around as part of the community even if you’re not actively blogging. Take care of yourself and I hope you get what you need from this hiatus.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Anxiety is one of the biggest reasons I don’t comment and I feel like a total jackass for not realising that I’m not alone in that situation. Of course it’s something that pops into my mind after the fact. *facepalms* Thanks for the other ways you have supported me. And also for your amazing content. It’s very inspiring for others to keep pursuing their passions. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • Anxiety is a bugger and strikes in the strangest ways — even when, rationally speaking, you know what you’re anxious about isn’t worth being anxious about! But no, you’re not alone in online anxiety of various descriptions. Besides comment threads, It takes me ages to muster up the courage to speak to anyone in an online game, for example — and voice chat is completely out of the question until I have known everyone involved for at least several years!

        We all have our own peculiarities to deal with!

        Thanks for your kind words. What I do is very much driven by my own enjoyment more than anything else, but to know others are enjoying it too always brings me great pleasure. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Right? I have told myself that many of my anxieties aren’t worth the effort but the mind and the brain are different sorts of beasts, if that makes sense. One day I will be able to get them to be somewhat in sync. And I love your content. I always get very excited to read and share your work. 🙂 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m thankful that you were on this site. While I wasn’t able to engage with you as much as maybe I should have, I really,REALLY appreciated any and all small comments you made on my and other people’s blogs. I try to do the same as much as I can, because it means a lot to people.

    Hope to see you again.

    Sayonara.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think I shouldn’t have had pressed that like button… Because I don’t like this… At all! However, I understand and I understand when we need to step back on something so we can be happier! Like you, I also am passing in a phase where I think to myself if it’s worth the work I’m putting on to get what I’m getting! For now, I’ll still think the good outbalances the bad so I’ll continue on here, blogging xD

    It’s sad for me that you are going to step out, there is no other way to put it. However, I have to say that if it’s going to make you happier, then I’m happy for you! I’ll miss your posts and your presence overall. But, the truth is, we are already friends and this way I know there are other ways for us to continue speaking :3 So… I hope this is the right decision and I completely support you!!! I’ll be a message away whenever you want to talk as you know 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think the great thing about this being a “hiatus” is that it leaves room for me to return one day when I feel like I am ready. I will confess that day may come sooner rather than later because I honestly never realise how much of a treatment blogging was to my mental health and overall mental well-being. I wanted to leave myself the option to come back if and when the time arrived. You are one of the most extraordinary people that i have met via blogging and I feel very blessed to have a friend like you. ♥♥

      Liked by 2 people

      • I actually understand what you are saying! When I went on a hiatus to change my blog design I missed a lot blog writing xD Something that I thought it would be completely the contrary because I was actually needing a breather…. But well, I think blogging just makes part of us right now!

        Ooooh don’t say things like that! I’ll die of embarassment, you know? You are an awesome human-being and don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise (even yourself)! I also feel blessed to have a friend like you ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  5. As someone who is also using blogging as a stress reliever and fighting off real world issues, I’m glad you are stepping before it really gets to you and I hope you find that thing to help you out, whether it be coming back to blogging or any other activity. Don’t be a stranger and I look forward to hearing how you’re doing when you come back!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much, Rokutsu! That means the world to me! I’m sure that once I… figure some shit out, for lack of a better way of putting it, I’ll be back. 🙂 I still plan on supporting other bloggers out there the best that I can!

      Like

  6. This is such a bummer to hear, but you’re definitely approaching it with the right mindset—there is absolutely no shame in bowing away for a while to recuperate! To be honest with you, 2018’s been a pretty rough year for me too. In fact, my infrequent writing habits started as early as the beginning of 2017. It seems to have only gotten worse with time, as now I pretty much just post once a month, which is sad I guess, but at least I’m not trying to over exert myself. Do what’s best for you, and in the mean time, let’s be sure to stay in touch over on Twitter!

    I’ve loved every post of yours that I’ve read, and I’m both sorry and sad for not having read more of your posts (as with everyone else’s). Maybe 2019 will be a better year for both you and me! See ya round, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going at a pace that works best for you. Life can become very hectic and shitty sometimes and we need to do what’s best for us so we don’t cause ourselves more harm–mentally and emotionally. I respect people who keep up with their passions, even in tiny little doses, in the midst of the chaos. You’re an amazing blogger and I look forward to reading stuff from you whenever you are able to share. 🙂

      Like

  7. If there is one thing in life that is important: it is happyness and doing things that you love to do. After having read this post, I can only say that I am happy for you, but also will be sad to see you go. I can understand and relate with a lot of the things that you have written here. For me, as I have said so many times on my own blog the most fulfilling thing about blogging was the engaging with other bloggers. If I had not taken that step to come out of my comfort zone, and finally place a comment on someone’s blog, I know I would not have had the same joy in blogging as I had the past couple of years. Because of that small step I have met so many incredible people, that became true friends that I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.
    I have said it to you on my own post: you are someone that I greatly admire. You have a strength that some people can only dream of, and your compassion for others is nothing short of amazing. You have been a very important part of this community and I know that there are many people that feel the same as I do. Blogging has both it’s ups and downs, but above all it should be something that you should enjoy. If that passion has diminished or isn’t the same anymore, it’s time to take a break and thing about what to do.
    On a personal note, I am very glad to have been a part of your journey, and all the wonderful posts that you have written througout these two years. But above all, I’m grateful to have met you and for being such a wonderful friend.
    You have my email adress, and you know that if there is anything you need/want to talk you may always contact me.
    For now, all I can say is that I wish the very best for the upcoming year, and knowing you you will make a succes out of whatever that new year will bring you. But above all, be happy my friend. Take care 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Good for you for taking this step towards self-care. It’s been such a joy and pleasure to have gotten to know you through your posts and I’m happy that we have each other on Instagram. It is sad, but I can relate understand low engagement affected my drawing hobby (I don’t really draw anymore). I hope you realize that you’re a truly talented and wonderful writer. The way you write is so eloquent, really! I wish you the best of luck in your other activities and hobbies. Sending you lots of warm wishes and love. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much, Rose!!! You are such a lovely person and I appreciate all of your support and kindness. 🙂 I love writing quite a bit and one day I feel I will be blogging again. Just need some perspective on other parts of life. Wishing you happiness always. ♥♥

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I feel you, all the way to the core. I can relate to most of what you write. Well, we’ve got issues, you and I so yeah, no wonder. 😎 No, but to be serious, I have the same problem you have with anxiety, the desire to discuss, the insecurities, and that nagging annoyance when others take what you have and make it theirs. It doesn’t even have to be that, just the feeling that others are being seen while no one sees you. Right? Stats are less important. I have been in a slump for so long now and you have been so sweet with you comments on my darkest posts and I wish I could have been just a sweet back. I’m just raging around in my head atm (well, that atm is apparently ongoing since this summer 🙄) but I try. It’s hard to see you go but I understand why. It’s very nice to know where I can find you (even if my instagram activity right now is very low like once a week if even that. 🙄). So, see you around, yeah. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes!! My thoughts and feelings exactly. My anxiety can be such a… a wall towards moving forward. Yesterday while I was thinking about this hiatus gig, I realised that other people also have anxiety and that’s probably why they don’t comment often. I know it’s a reason I don’t tend to comment often and I felt like such an idiot, LOL. I try not to let the thoughts and feelings of others affect me too much, but when my depression and anxiety are in full bloom that becomes nearly impossible. I’m glad that my posts were able to help people. That is the best gift I could ever ask for. My DMs on all sorts of places, and my email (capn.neko.baka@outlook.com) is always open if you ever wanna chat, my friend. ♥♥

      Like

  10. It is very sad to see you leave blogging for now, but clearly this is what you need right now. Good to hear that you will still be around though in your other platforms. Hopefully this change works for you and I wish you the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Karandi. I think the change will be good for me, and if it doesn’t work out, I look forward to coming back. Thanks for being supportive of me and my blog. You are a big inspiration for me as a content creator. Wishing you the best as well. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  11. All the best to you Neha – you are such a bright star, and I’m so glad to have got to know you better. I’ll be logging onto Instagram more often to see what you’re getting up to 🙂 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Aww, I feel like a lot of people are slowing down from blogging. I understand. Also, I hope everything will be okay with you. I have a friend who battles with depression and it’s hard. But know you are special and unique in your own way. I hope it gets better. But if you do decide to come back to blogging I’ll be waiting. Also, if you do the Japanese journal I will def be ready. 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much!! Depression can be such an asshole, to be honest. Since I’ve been gone after sharing this hiatus announcement, my depression has actually gotten a WHOLE lot worse. So… blogging was a type of treatment for my depression that I never realised helped me this much. It’s really interesting to learn how much something can be useful and important to you without you knowing until that something is gone, even for a short while. But I’m hoping things will get better. If/When I do return to blogging, the Japanese Journals will be one of my first posts. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you for being around. I’ve always enjoyed your content, especially your Japanese literature reviews. I’m seriously checking out more Natsume Souseki because of you. I wish I had the time to follow you more regularly and comment more, but I’ve been on an unannounced semi-hiatus for such a long time by now…
    Best of luck on your studies, or on whatever you’re doing in life right now. Have a cat video too; this one is pretty great: https://youtu.be/TNMZpWZsK08

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG, that cat video killed me, haha. So cute!! My cat likes to steal my right pink shoe and my left pink shoe only. SO WEIRD!

      Thanks so much for your kind words. It makes me so happy to know that my reviews got you more interested in Japanese literature!! It really brings a smile to my face. 🙂 Reading is something that will probably never go away for me, lol. If/when I do return, I’ll make sure to have a ton more books to share. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Nyan, I’m so sorry the experience disappointed you. Your Self Care posts were always so devastatingly honest and powerful. I’m sure they help more people then you can ever imagine even if we couldn’t find the words to tell you. I really hope you find the community and interaction youre looking for. And if you decide to come back some day…. You know, meeting Raistlin ain’t a bad thing to get out of an experience.
    As is plain from this post you will be greatly missed. Much love. So long and thanks for all the posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Irina! I’m really happy to hear that the self-care posts helps people. I just want them to know that their not alone with their experiences and it isn’t always so terrible and painful, even if it feels hopeless.

      I love blogging and I love the community that I became a part of. I think a big part my sadness from not getting as many comments also has to do with the simple fact that I become devastatingly lonely during this time of year. It is the hardest time of year for me as it everything around me reminds me of my late brother. That loneliness is probably what contributed to my unfulfilment. But I have been so remarkably fulfilled in other ways, especially by the people I’ve met like you, Raistlin, Arthifis, and more and it’s something I will cherish always.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s