Ciao, Chums! It feels nice to be typing something up again. Since I posted the first January Blogsphere Highlights, my life sort of became a bit hectic. I hadn’t realised that the start date for school was literally a few days away. That caught me off-guard and then held most of my attention for the past week or so as I worked quickly and diligently to prepare for my return. Tonight I had some free moments and wanted to pop in and just chat.
People who’ve been supporters for a while will know a bit about my college situation, however for newbies around here, let me provide a very brief re-cap on it. I took a break from university approximately four to five years ago after getting out of a severely traumatic situation. I spent those years working on my mental health and recovering from all of the psychological and physical consequences of that environment. Now, I’m finally on my feet again in a positive and motivated way, so I’m taking the steps necessary to accomplish aspirations that I had either put on hold or written off entirely as not being in my future. Essentially, I’m taking my life back from the negative things that have tried to wretch it away from me. I’m terribly agoraphobic and have the worst social anxiety, so returning to school is about much more than merely obtaining an education; it’s about kicking my fears in the arse and learning to live my best life again.
You know, I never recognised how chaotic my OCD can become until I began to gather supplies and textbooks for college. While it has been a bloody wild ride, I must confess that I have been enjoying this bit way more than I probably should. It contributes to my excitement and optimism (and anxiety, what is life) and those are the feelings I want to focus on, and this sort of brings me to the other two reasons I’ve stayed away from blogging.
With this new chapter getting ready to flip its page over to the blank screen, I haven’t been able to focus on anything—books and anime—and that has made it impossible for me create content. I can’t really sit down and write about shite when I don’t have shite to write about, and I don’t like writing random things just for filler fluff. I suck at doing that and I don’t want BiblioNyan to be fluffy like that. The only fluff around here that’s allowed is cat hair from my foursome masters, and maybe the pillows they pad the stuffing out of… literally.
In the meantime, while reading and otakuing keep eluding me, I have been playing lots of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (I suppose this is another form of otakuing). I cannot express to you in words just what this game has done for my mental health, positively speaking. It has been the greatest source of escapism for me, but that escapism comes in a way that still challenges me intellectually, while allowing me to be the biggest moron as I run towards dangerous situations that are usually 99.99% unplanned and absolute horrid ideas. For example, I went looking for a tower to reveal a portion of the map and somehow found myself in the Sanctum of Hyrule Castle. Yes, I died, but man oh man, did I hold my own for a little while (not bad for being low-levelled as fuck). Being able to lose myself so completely in this game has also kept me away from negative thoughts and from allowing myself to fall victim to my fears and insecurities. So… Zelda has been the best source of self-care for me this past week and it’s been bloody brilliant.
Anyway, in a not-so-small-nutshell that has been life. Honestly, I have missed blogging for the past week. It helps my creative processes so much, but unfortunately, I do need to shift my priorities around to where BiblioNyan can’t be at the very top. It’s more in third or fourth place after my mental health, school, and my kitties. I hope that y’all are doing good with the start of the year and if you’re not, don’t worry. It’s okay to feel like shite right now, but it won’t be forever and it sure as hell won’t be the whole year. I believe in you and I believe this year will be your year, even if it’s in small steps.
Thanks for taking the time to check out my update. Regularly scheduled programming shall be returning tomorrow morning. I would also like to say thank you for your continued support. This truly is the best community and I’m so appreciative for your presence.
Take care, chums.