This morning I wanted to talk to you about feelings of burnout. They sort of snuck up on me recently, and I’ve been having immense difficulties with processing through them. About a month, maybe a month and a half ago, I achieved a huge blogging milestone, of which I’m still in quite a bit of shock. I did a giveaway to celebrate it, along with a Q & A segment, and now that it’s mostly over (the celebrations), it’s been really difficult for me to find my blogging voice again.
I’ve always been pretty open and honest with you about whatever has been going on in my life, whether professionally or personally, so I thought I’d reach out to let you know that I’m struggling really badly right now. It really fucking sucks because there are so many things that I have outlined and worked very hard on putting together with the hopes of being able to share it throughout the month of August. However, with how heavy and discombobulated I’m feeling, I doubt it shall happen.
I actually didn’t even realise that I was burning out until I had answered a question about dealing with burnouts for the Q & A video that I shared a couple of days ago. Instead, I had merely convinced myself that I was tired and needed a few days to get re-refreshed.
Since I began working full-time on BiblioNyan back in 2017, I haven’t read any books that I haven’t chatted about in one form or another on my blogspace. The same thing can be said for most of the anime that I consumed as well. The logical parts of my brain understand and recognises that I don’t have to talk about every single thing, yet the workaholic and the passionate parts of my creative self always adored being able to discuss the stuff that I consumed. I had always believed, “If I talk about this, then someone else may get the same enjoyment (or more enjoyment) out of this thing that I just read or watched.” I loved being able to share that stuff. It also helped me stay connected to those hobbies while evolving as a consumer of those respective activities. While it hasn’t gone away, it has been worked to exhaustion and needs a definite break.
This is where I start to feel really conflicted and confused. I fucking suck at taking a break. I can run a search on BiblioNyan for all of the hiatus posts that I have written in the past and nearly every single one of them are superseded with some sort of “Well, the hiatus didn’t work, so back to blogging because I’ve missed it” follow-up post. A huge part of me desperately needs to take a goddamned break. More so because this burning out has been negatively impacting my current stubborn writing rut, which has prevented me from putting in the time and effort I need to finish the first draft of my manuscripts. However, whenever I take that step back, I feel all of this empty space that I usually fill with blog work. It overwhelms me and I succumb to its seduction, or its void as it were.
The wonderful thing about having your own blog is that you can take your time with it. You can go as fast or as slow as you’d like. Be a heavy-poster (especially if you’re a workaholic with a serious caffeine addiction like me) or only post when you feel inspired. Occasionally when something you do passionately and regularly becomes so ingrained into your everyday routine it can be extremely painful, mentally speaking, to take a break from it. I’ve actually chatted about this in a Self-Care Sunday post. All of this information is very rational and it’s something I firmly believe in, hence the SCS post about it. But then why am I having such a godawful time taking my own advice?
I don’t want to stop blogging. I love this platform, this community, and the creative outlet it provides me with. But I also can’t afford to lose my hobbies because I’m too damned stubborn to listen to my own pep-talks out of some misplaced sense of obligation that no one is holding me hostage to except for myself. I also don’t believe in negativity on BiblioNyan, so the word “hiatus” or even “break” gives me the shakes and shivers—and now that I’m writing this all out—to the point that it’s making me be such a brat about doing it.
At the beginning of the year, I outlined a ridiculously ambitious list of things I wanted to accomplish as a full-time blogger. On that list you’ll see “Schedule Two Annual Blogging Vacations,” which were added for the sole purpose of deflecting burnouts. More than half the year has flittered on by me like a hummingbird and I haven’t taken a single goddamn vacation yet. I’ve initiated a writer’s retreat (which, once again, lasted for less than two weeks in terms of me actually stepping away from the blog shenanigans) and have gone silent here and there without notice (or realisation). So, rather than announce a hiatus, I think I’m finally going to take the blogging vacation that I should have scheduled about a month ago.
This won’t be like my other breaks or whatnots because I’m going to hold myself accountable for my mental well-being. Surprisingly, I had never done this before and that’s more than likely why these gigs didn’t work for me in the past. When I say that I’m going to hold myself accountable what I mean by that is that whenever I feel the itch to write up a blog post, I’m going to remind myself of what burnouts feel like and then focus intently on how drastically it hinders my creativity in other ways. Rather than compartmentalise the negativity and forget about it, I need to confront it and know that I have the strength and the power to prevent myself from feeling this way if I just kick back and let the vacation do it’s soothing. Through coping with my mental health and dealing with other shite, one of the best lessons I’ve learned in life is that tackling the things that make us uncomfortable is the best way to prevent them for having any power over us. That’s what holding myself accountable comes down to.
Please know that this is not a goodbye post AT ALL! This is a Nyan-needs-a-fucking-mental-vacation post. I already mentioned somewhere at the beginning of this thing that I had a bunch of posts outlined and ready to be typed and scheduled. That’s content that I worked passionately to create, and I do plan on sharing it. Plus, I know for a fact (because it happens every single time) that as soon I start my vacation, new ideas shall began sprouting up. I’ll make a list of them and then set it aside until I’m ready to schedule posts again. That way I’m not cheating by working behind-the-scenes. There’s also going to be a distinct Start Date and End Date to my vacation (listed below) so you will know exactly what to expect from me. So, please don’t worry about me closing shop here.
When I come back from my vacation, there will be some changes to my blogging frequency as I will be in school. This is my last semester at a junior college before I transfer into my Bachelor’s programme at a university, plus I’m working on a Healthy Body Healthy Mind Challenge for my physical illnesses (mostly for the heart condition), and also shall be diligently working on those manuscripts as I could really use the income from being published. All of those things shall keep me plenty busy and shall, unfortunately, need to be prioritised over blogging. I will also be changing my book reviewing, specifically the types of books I’m going to be reviewing here. However, I’ll outline all of that crap when I come back. Right now the focus is just going to be on relaxation… and maybe some wine.
For the time being, I merely ask for your continued support and understanding. For other bloggers out there, whether you’re a newbie or a seasoned creator, know that it’s perfectly okay for you to take your time with blogging in whatever ways work for you, and also know that if you need to take that break, DO IT! Your blog and your readers shall thank you for it later.
If any of you have ever faced burnouts, please let me know in the comments how you tend to cope through them! I’m sure that other content creators would be super appreciative of the advice as well!
08-Aug-2019 to 01-Sep-2019
Thank you so much for visiting me today! I appreciate your support. I wish you a lovely day ahead.
If you enjoy my content, please consider providing me with a one-time donation ($3). All proceeds go towards the maintenance and upkeep of my blog, as well as towards my prescriptions. Additionally, you can suggest one anime or Asian drama for me to watch during the month for reviewing purposes! Thank you very much.