Yo, Chums. Today I need to have a real talk with you all. The honest-to-goodness truth is that I have been avoiding this for as long as humanly possible. In my heart and my mind, I had always wanted to fight what I need to say. But I can’t really run away from it or deny it any longer. Not only is it not healthy for me, it’s also not fair to everyone who has taken the time to follow me and support me. So… here it goes.
I’ve been blogging about books and anime since about 2015-2016. I love it so much! It has helped me become a better writer and has helped me grow with my passions. I have a deeper appreciation for books and authors now, on such an intimate and profound level no less, especially where marginalised voices are concerned. My love for anime, particularly from a cultural and sociological standpoint has just blossomed so damn much, to the point where I have even created two or three detailed outlines for potential theses for my academic programme at university. Writing reviews that are very different than all the other stuff out there made me realise that I do have the ability to stretch my creative and analytical muscles, and that I’m not an unintelligent human, and this makes me feel really comforted and inspired as a content creator, whether that content is for personal, professional, or academic platforms.
However, even with all of these remarkable moments of growth, life is changing drastically for me and because of that, I must re-organise my priorities in order to successfully navigate through the opportunities that I’ve been granted.
In January, I shall be starting one of the most intensive university programmes for my major—a double concentration in 1) Japanese Language & Literature, and 2) Education, specifically inclusivity and social justice work in education/academia—in the whole country, which I’ll be attending full-time. The Uni is also 2 hours away from my home, so I’ll have a 4-hour commute on days I have classes. I’m also trying to get a job with the city as a library assistant or book-shelver, which is a part-time gig that’s a great place to set roots for my future career goals and it will help me pay for my commute and textbooks. On days that I don’t have classes, I will pretty much be working all day. On top of all these things, I’m working my arse off to be a published author. It’s been my dream since I was six years old.
Out of everything that I am doing, blogging is the one thing that I no longer have the ability to keep up with. Realistically, my physical and psychological capacities will be so fucking tapped out that finding time to create content for or to sit down and spend a couple hours writing up posts is just not feasible. It would be devastating to my health in all aspects, and I don’t want to continue if I can’t give it my full effort. It just means too damn much to me.
I don’t want to put off working on my authorial pursuits because I know that once I start walking down that path, I won’t ever come back from it. I owe it to myself to give this dream a legitimate and dedicated shot; my very best efforts with every fibre of my energy. So, between blogging and writing, blogging will have to take the axe. Additionally, I know that dropping to part-time won’t work because every time I’ve tried to become a part-time blogger, I’ve either reverted back to full-time within a week or two, or I’ve landed in the most frustrating ruts imaginable. Every single time.
Now, I know that I’ve announced hiatuses in the past and have always bounced back from them. It seems like no matter how much I try to walk away I always find the road back to this community and the act of content creating. The reason for that is because blogging has also been my act of self-care for these past few years. It started as a way to distract myself from a terribly traumatic event. Then it became a part of my treatment and coping technique for Depression and other mental health. After that it became an avenue for me to explore possible professional pursuits for myself, such as being a decent enough writer for paid work. Finding this community also gave me a source of support that I could rely on when things around me fizzled or if I ever started to waver in my progress with moving forward. I’d be lying through my fucking teeth if I said I wasn’t terrified of what my life would be like without blogging, and everything it has provided for me, and the ways it continues to nurture my existence. I mean, I’ve more or less been a full-time blogger for almost five years. Yet, the reality of this situation is that I need to let go of the safety belts and take the plunge into this incredibly horrifying future that seems to have arrived so damn suddenly. As with nearly every part of life, it’s time for my self-care to evolve as well, and sometimes that means stepping away from the things that help you feel safe and secure for other opportunities that make you want to throw up with anxiety.
I do take immense comfort in knowing that I won’t completely shut myself out from a space to chat about things I love. It will just be done on a much, much smaller scale over on Tumblr and AniList, where rather than spewing fierce 2K word prattles, my musings will be in bite-size morsels of a handful of sentences, and only sporadically when time is a luxury that I can indulge in.
For folks who may be wondering why I’m making this announcement now rather than closer to January, it’s because in the second half of the Fall semester at my current college, I have five classes that shall be starting up. They are much shorter than full-length semester courses, but also quite a bit more rigorous as a way to compensate for that time crunch. These classes begin on October 17th, which is about two weeks away. They shall run through to the second week of December, and then very promptly after that I will be doing all the things necessary in order to transition to the University I’m attending starting with the new year. So, basically, I only have two weeks left before the changes I chatted about above begin to initiate. It’s important to me to spend the next weeks creating a health plan with my doctors with regard to my heart condition in order to prepare for the stress of what’s arriving. Additionally, I also want to spend that time with my partner and my family so that I can enjoy their presence while I have the availability to do so.
One last thing I’d like to mention is that I know that this isn’t goodbye, at least not forever. If anything, it’s an “I’ll see you later,” and I may return in a couple of years after my programme is finished. The one thing that I do know for sure is that if I end up in Japan either for academic or professional reasons, then I will definitely return to blogging because that will be an experience that I’ll want to chronicle and also something I feel like is important so talk about honestly for anyone out there who is interested in pursuing something similar. Besides, it’s motherfucking Japan. How can I not talk about that being as big of a Japanophile as I am?
While I’m extremely saddened to announce my retirement from blogging, I’m also filled with immense gratitude for every single person who has taken the time to read, comment, like, share, or overall just engage with the things that I’ve put out here on BiblioNyan over the course of the past few years. You all have helped me grow so much as a person and have made it possible for me to be sitting here, semi-comfortably on my own two feet, working my ways towards a future that I never fucking thought I would ever get a chance at. You’re such an amazingly talented and passionate group of folks who shall continue to inspire me throughout these next stages of my life. Meeting you, so to speak, and getting to know you through your work has been a precious gift that I shall always cherish.
Also, please don’t be afraid to hit me up if you would ever like to talk and be friends beyond the confines of this space. I’ll leave some contact info below.
Thank you with utmost sincerity and appreciation from all of my heart. Thank you so, so much.
Before I sign off, I would like to mention that I am going to finish the #AniTwitWatches gig that I’m participating in, but I won’t be making posts for them. Instead, I will share my musings over on Twitter only.