Mid-Afternoon Musings: Mentally Prepping for Open Heart Surgery

Bula, chums—

Earlier today I met with my cardiovascular surgeon to discuss the open-heart surgery I must undergo in order to get treatment for some of my heart conditions. The doctor ended up running behind schedule, so we had to wait there for about an hour and a half before I got my appointment. Admittedly, I felt incredibly anxious and frustrated. I’m terrible at waiting. Absolutely atrocious at it. But we stuck it out and I’m glad that we did.

When I met with my new cardiologist for the first time back in November, he constantly spoke over me and treated me like an idiot, or some ignorant child that needed to spoken to brusquely. Because of that, I never really trusted him. I always feel that if a doctor doesn’t value their patients, then they probably aren’t going to help find the treatment that works best for them as an individual. It turns out that I was correct.

He ran a bunch of tests and none of them showed the extent of my conditions. It wasn’t until I went in for a cardio-ablation procedure in June, with a different heart doctor, that everything was finally discovered and properly diagnosed. I wonder if I ever would have learned about the more severe aspects of my illnesses if I hadn’t agreed to do the ablation procedure. If it did come up, it probably would have occurred when the damage was irreparable.

Either way, since June, I have known that this specific appointment would be inevitable. I was terrified. I was extremely worried that I would end up with another doctor who didn’t really give a damn about me or my illnesses; that I was just another piece of paper to be stamped on the conveyor belt of his typical day at the office. So, when we had to wait for much longer than anticipated, I began to think the absolute worst. Thankfully, I was wrong this time.

This surgeon took some time to get to know me as a person and when I asked him questions, he let me finish asking my questions completely before answering, and even then, he never treated me like a moron. He spoke to me like a person, an intelligent person that would understand exactly what was told to me. He was considerate and had such a marvellous bedside manner, so to speak. It gave me comfort and, as odd as it may sounds, made me feel like I have control over what’s happening to my body and heart, at least more so than I have felt since October when the shtick hit the fan. I respect that so much in a doctor and I’m happy to know that when my surgery happens in a few weeks, I’ll be in good, caring hands.

I’m still incredibly nervous though, which I think is understandable considering that my chest is going to be cracked open. The surgery itself consists of taking a small part of my heart and using that portion to treat the illness. Honestly, it amazes me how far medical science has come in the last few decades, and I hope that it shall keep making progress. Maybe one day, Congenital Heart Disease will be preventable or curable altogether!

The only real part about this whole thing that totally sucks (aside from having my chest carved up like a holiday turkey) is that I’ll have to be in the ICU for my entire stay at the hospital, which is about five to seven days. During this time, I won’t be able to have any visitors at all, whatsoever. This makes the entire situation feel more surreal and intimidating. Due to COVID-19, I will have to undergo one of the most frightening things to have ever happened to me utterly alone. I know the emotional toll it’s taking on me, so I can only imagine what shall be going through my parents’ minds and heart, as well as Madame Gabs’ too. Most of the next few weeks will probably go into trying to prepare for this emotionally and mentally as much as I can, and even then, I’m not sure I can fully brace myself for such a thing… It just fucking sucks, so much.

Anyhoo, I wanted to pop in this afternoon and chat about it as a way of processing through the information so I can better prepare (mentally) for what’s to come. As the date gets closer, I shall post a proper announcement for it and include a plan for my blog, BiblioNyan. I may go a week without any posts at all, or I may seek out help from guest bloggers. Currently, I’m still ironing out the details. However, with that said, if you’re a fellow diverse books or anime blogger out there and would be interested in a guest spot on BiblioNyan in September, please let me know! If there’s interest in this, it’ll help me plan things out more accordingly.

I hope that you’re all doing well. Thanks for being patient with me during this brief break from blogging shenanigans for a small update on things. Normal nerdy shindigs shall resume tomorrow.

Much love to you all.


[P.S. I hate the new editor and the only real way to access the Classic one is to sign up for the Business Edition and get a Classic Editor plugin. Even though it’s so outrageously expensive, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least considering it…]

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22 thoughts on “Mid-Afternoon Musings: Mentally Prepping for Open Heart Surgery

  1. I noticed today there is still a button on the bottom right to switch to the classic editor if you haven’t found it already. As for the surgery, it is amazing what a doctor who actually cares can do to set your mind a bit more at ease. I mean this is a pretty intense surgery, but having the surgeon be personable and treat you like you are a person can go a long way in helping you feel better about it. You know I got you before, during, and after, you will get through it!

    • Yeah, but it doesn’t take me to the classic editor. Just uses block things with classic settings; it’s weird and non-intuitive. I’ve been managing okay with the new editor haha. And yes, I feel so lucky to have a doctor that cares. finally.

  2. I’m sure you’ll be fine! 😁 The medical staff know what they are doing and you should be ok. 😁

    • Thanks so much, Marta. I appreciate it. I’ll definitely let y’all know once we get a bit closer to it. 🙂 ♥

  3. Having been out of the loop for a while, I was definitely a bit shocked today when I read this post. I can definitely understand you are anxious for this. That said, as Fred’s comment says: they didn’t even this procedure just now, so that’s a good thing to know. It’s very good to have a doctor that takes you seriously. With my current health issues I have a doctor that doesn’t take me serious, so I’m definitely considering a second opinion after my last tests are over.
    I will be thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything will go well, and will be over soon 😊

    • Yeah, things have been pretty chaotic with regard to my heart health. I actually died in February, which was the second time within 6 months that I was hospitalised for my heart. The first was in October a week before my birthday. 😅😅 So, that’s probably why I’m even more scared. It all took a turn for the worse really fast and it’s been sort of non-stop ever since. I’m happy that I got a good doctor for this procedure, otherwise, to be frank, I may not have agreed to do it.

      Thank you for thinking of me. I’ll let you know when I go in, so that way I won’t just disappear out of the blue, especially if the worst were to happen (which I’m going to hope does not!!).

  4. I’m glad your current doctor is listening to your concerns and really addressing them. Sending you positive thoughts that this round goes much more smoothly this time!

  5. As a former cardiac nurse of many years, I admire how you have spoken up and discussed your feelings about what can only be called a frightening experience in the best of times but doubly so without visitors. I would have loved taking care of a patient like you and I sincerely hope you will have nurses caring for you that feel as I do. There are lots of artists working in health care. I hope you find one to talk with while you are stuck in ICU. Best wishes to you for a smooth procedure and quick recovery.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I remember when I first started to go through everything, and I just wish that I had someone to talk to who could relate (that wasn’t a doctor). My brother died from a failed heart transplant, he also had CHD, and it’s been so tough. My goal with being honest is that to help others not feel alone. I think that’s the worst feeling in the world. Even though I’m going to be alone in the hospital, I know I have people waiting when I get out, and that brings me a lot of comfort and strength. Thanks again. ♥♥

  6. It sucks that you won’t be able to have visitors while you’re in the ICU. I hope that you have a speedy recovery and won’t have to be there for too long. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts!

  7. You’ll be fine. They didn’t just invent this surgery yesterday. You’ll have the benefit of all that experience.

    It’s odd that when I go to the New Post button, I still bring up the old editor. I do get a nag screen telling me I really ought to change to the block editor. Nothing has explained to me why I’d want to change so as long as i can’t I’ll stick with the old one.

    • I wish the old editor would should up for me. I had it in my settings for the longest time, but it seems they removed the option, which is pretty frustrating. But I’ve had to use the new editor with my second blog, The Djinn Reader, so I’ll make do until I can upgrade the account.

      And thank you. I am feeling less nervous this morning now that I’ve had time to properly process everything. A little bit of fear is expected, but it’s not all as daunting as it was and has been, which is a good relief.

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