Earlier today I met with my cardiovascular surgeon to discuss the open-heart surgery I must undergo in order to get treatment for some of my heart conditions. The doctor ended up running behind schedule, so we had to wait there for about an hour and a half before I got my appointment. Admittedly, I felt incredibly anxious and frustrated. I’m terrible at waiting. Absolutely atrocious at it. But we stuck it out and I’m glad that we did.
When I met with my new cardiologist for the first time back in November, he constantly spoke over me and treated me like an idiot, or some ignorant child that needed to spoken to brusquely. Because of that, I never really trusted him. I always feel that if a doctor doesn’t value their patients, then they probably aren’t going to help find the treatment that works best for them as an individual. It turns out that I was correct.
He ran a bunch of tests and none of them showed the extent of my conditions. It wasn’t until I went in for a cardio-ablation procedure in June, with a different heart doctor, that everything was finally discovered and properly diagnosed. I wonder if I ever would have learned about the more severe aspects of my illnesses if I hadn’t agreed to do the ablation procedure. If it did come up, it probably would have occurred when the damage was irreparable.
Either way, since June, I have known that this specific appointment would be inevitable. I was terrified. I was extremely worried that I would end up with another doctor who didn’t really give a damn about me or my illnesses; that I was just another piece of paper to be stamped on the conveyor belt of his typical day at the office. So, when we had to wait for much longer than anticipated, I began to think the absolute worst. Thankfully, I was wrong this time.
This surgeon took some time to get to know me as a person and when I asked him questions, he let me finish asking my questions completely before answering, and even then, he never treated me like a moron. He spoke to me like a person, an intelligent person that would understand exactly what was told to me. He was considerate and had such a marvellous bedside manner, so to speak. It gave me comfort and, as odd as it may sounds, made me feel like I have control over what’s happening to my body and heart, at least more so than I have felt since October when the shtick hit the fan. I respect that so much in a doctor and I’m happy to know that when my surgery happens in a few weeks, I’ll be in good, caring hands.
I’m still incredibly nervous though, which I think is understandable considering that my chest is going to be cracked open. The surgery itself consists of taking a small part of my heart and using that portion to treat the illness. Honestly, it amazes me how far medical science has come in the last few decades, and I hope that it shall keep making progress. Maybe one day, Congenital Heart Disease will be preventable or curable altogether!
The only real part about this whole thing that totally sucks (aside from having my chest carved up like a holiday turkey) is that I’ll have to be in the ICU for my entire stay at the hospital, which is about five to seven days. During this time, I won’t be able to have any visitors at all, whatsoever. This makes the entire situation feel more surreal and intimidating. Due to COVID-19, I will have to undergo one of the most frightening things to have ever happened to me utterly alone. I know the emotional toll it’s taking on me, so I can only imagine what shall be going through my parents’ minds and heart, as well as Madame Gabs’ too. Most of the next few weeks will probably go into trying to prepare for this emotionally and mentally as much as I can, and even then, I’m not sure I can fully brace myself for such a thing… It just fucking sucks, so much.
Anyhoo, I wanted to pop in this afternoon and chat about it as a way of processing through the information so I can better prepare (mentally) for what’s to come. As the date gets closer, I shall post a proper announcement for it and include a plan for my blog, BiblioNyan. I may go a week without any posts at all, or I may seek out help from guest bloggers. Currently, I’m still ironing out the details. However, with that said, if you’re a fellow diverse books or anime blogger out there and would be interested in a guest spot on BiblioNyan in September, please let me know! If there’s interest in this, it’ll help me plan things out more accordingly.
I hope that you’re all doing well. Thanks for being patient with me during this brief break from blogging shenanigans for a small update on things. Normal nerdy shindigs shall resume tomorrow.
Much love to you all.