Mid-Morning Musings: Learning (Failing) the Art of Relaxation

Relaxation is defined as being abatement or relief from mental and physical effort, work, etc., and while I totally understand the meaning in a logical fashion, I am absolutely fucking terrible at applying it to myself. This past week while I was silent on the blogspace, I was attempting to partake in effort abating activities since my doctors told me to practise the “art of relaxation,” and let me tell you, folx, if they offered platinum medals for people who are absolutely inept at this so-called art, I’d win them all. ALL. Every bloody one.

With less than three weeks until I get carved up like a holiday turducken, relaxing and resting are two things that I am supposed to get really chummy with. But here’s the issue that I have with it. Asking me to rest and unwind (another word I loathe) is like asking me to be bed-mates with Shelob. There’s just no way in all the Seven Hells that’s going to work.

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My biggest issue with trying to practise the two Rs with a side of U is that I get ridiculously bored. My brain is one that must be fully engaged and challenged pretty much whenever possible, or the boredom toxins seep into my veins and basically poison my mental health. I’m not sure if I should blame my ADHD, my neurodivergence, or something else. My doctors tried to explain it to me in a scientific way with examples of high-IQ individuals who have autism, but it seemed like a bunch of poppycock to me. Again, I understood it logically, more so considering that I am the exact sort of human they were talking about, but in reality, those examples and explanations don’t mean fucking shite to me if they can’t help me out (which was the purpose of them being presented to me to begin with). At the end of the day, t’s all blasé bollucks to me, the relaxing gig I mean.

If this past week and a half is any indication, my recovery is going to be the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to undergo. I remember when I got into a car accident about five years ago. I was hospitalised and treated for internal bleeding. Doctors told me to stay in bed for a few days (at said hospital). When I woke up after (most) of the drugs wore off, I snuck out.  Of course, Madame Gabs (who was a new chum at the time) and my cousin (who’s car I crashed, although in my defence, it was the car or the deer, so I chose to save the deer; the car was a candy apple red Porsche GT3… yeah, I’m never gonna live that down) practically murdered me. The point of re-living this tragically hilarious (in hindsight) event is to say that if internal bleeding couldn’t keep my arse in bed, will a cracked sternum and dissected heart really do it?

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Don’t at me.

Now, I’ve been told of the many phenomenal activities that can be done from bed to prevent such intense, agonising bouts of the B word, but they haven’t really been helping me. My reading rut actually became enflamed, so much so that I could only read about five pages on a good day. I tried watching anime, but my mind started to wander, and I couldn’t focus on it at all. I even turned the subtitles off so they wouldn’t be distracting and that didn’t help either (it did, however, help me notice how cringey some of the localisation can be with certain subtitles, yikes). Video games have probably been the only reprieve from “B” that I’ve gotten thus far, but even then, it was virtually impossible to stay engaged for more than an hour at a time. Once those sixty minutes whipped on by, my fingers started itching for different sorts action (not like that, you naughty naughty deviant).

So… yeah… Fuck relaxing and resting and unwinding. Fuck it all as it shall inevitably lead to my getting fucked as well, and not in the fun ways, not that I’d really be into that being asexual and all (unless it’s with Lucy Liu; damn, I love her…).

My biggest worry has gone from surviving the surgery to surviving the recovery. My mind becomes jumbled with overbearing anxiety whenever I think about the two to three months that I shall have to spend “taking it easy.” The fancier older sibling of “resting.” I’m just not good at it. I like to stay busy. Very busy. I want my brain stretched into multiple, different directions, to the point where I’m feeling overwhelmed, but challenged and excited simultaneously. A good challenge is the ultimate drug for me. Intellectual stimulation is splendidly sexy (as sexy as something can be to someone who’s quite indifferent to sex… I should probably stop drinking coffee…). While I do have permission to work, it must be from bed, where I get grotesquely restless and sickeningly spasmodic.

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I mean, if this is my reward…

Since I am feeling quite desperate, I thought it was time to reach out to y’all. Do any of you struggle with the mind-blowingly, infuriatingly concept of “relaxing” or “resting” or “unwinding”? Do you have any solutions or advice for how to engage with the Trio of Treachery? Please, help me and the Drama Queen that these things seem to turn my brain into. If I can’t find common ground with Mistress Rest, I’m sure that the people who shall be helping to take care of me will probably murder me in my sleep, or via my soup. I’d like to avoid that since I do have some bitching awesome post-surgery plans and aspirations I need to achieve. That, and… well… I’m not quite keen on getting murdered just yet. At least not via pillow or spoon (although the spoon route would be fucking funny—and somewhat kinky—so long as it didn’t involve consumption of soupy substances).

In the meantime, I’m going to be a rebel and a bonafide delinquent, the ultimate rule-breaking bloke around—I’m going be a workaholic again. What can I say, I love living life on the edge of my butcher’s knife, er, pen. Same difference. But please, if you have any advice for me, share them! I’m as desperate for suggestions as Darayavahoush is for Nahri’s love and approval.

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10 thoughts on “Mid-Morning Musings: Learning (Failing) the Art of Relaxation

  1. Honestly you do suck at the whole R&R thing. It isn’t fully a bad thing, I mean it means you have a good work ethic and want to do stuff and not just relax. But right now, and the next few months don’t be alternate universe Phoebe -_- I can get you the ice cream (no strippers unless Kheb counts.) but I’d like to have you survive the recovery and well survive until the surgery even.

    • Boo. Strippers and ice-cream should go together, lmao. Man, my true colours with my love of womxn is showing haha. XD Fine, fine. I will try harder at the stupid R&R nonsense. But I will whine. Gloriously.

  2. Pingback: Currently Watching Anime: Supernatural Horror, Fantasy Romance, & Comedy Drama | BiblioNyan

  3. Ahhhh I feel this one. I get sooo bored too and I can’t stand it. Sadly, I don’t have any solutions at the moment. I know that relaxing is good. At the same time, I feel guilty when I relax and wish that I was more productive. This kind of toxic thinking probably isn’t that beneficial but I don’t know how to stop. :/

    • Over the weekend, I’m going to try to do things for half an hour or an hour and then switch to something else, and see if that helps to allay the boredom, or at the very least to see if it helps with the restlessness. If the experiment works out, then I may do a Self-Care Sunday post about it. I’m just terrible at being unproductive (that’s how rest feels to me). I’d rather be doing something, anything, that makes me feel like I’m making progress, if that makes sense. I was much better at it as a kid, but as an adult, it’s… ooooh, I’m so bad at it haha.

  4. Phew…this is definitely a tough one. First off, while of course there is very little to nothing humorous about this entire situation, I do have to say I had a few laughs at the way you wrote this post. So one thing is for sure: your sense of humor is still every bit as good😊
    But back to the problem itself. I think that whenever you are forced to do something, it’s often going to backfire. I don’t know if that’s a psychological thing, but it’s what usally happens. No one likes to do things they don’t want to do. Relaxing is hard, especially if you are someone who doesn’t relax often and likes to stay busy. I can relate: I used to not be able to relax even for a second. I wanted to keep staying busy, and not stop for anything.
    Sadly because of my health, the last two years I have been forced to relax more times then I would want to, and well not going to lie: it sucks. Truth is though…I have gotten better at it. I know it’s a real cliche to say it: but it is often true: some things just need time. Today is one of those days where I’m in quite a bit of pain, and I responded to it in a simple way: I went to bed. Not to sleep, but to watch some anime. I have also grown out of my comfort zone, and started watching an anime that is not filled with monsters, mecha, or anything else I usually like. It’s a totally relaxing and very soothing anime called Tsurune. And it does relax me. It’s kind of a dreamlike trance I slip into whenever I watch it.
    So what am I doing here then, reading this post and providing you with an answer? I alternate. After I watched an episode, I go back to wordpress, read a few post, provide some comments. And after doing that for half an hour or so, I press play and watch the next episode. So that means I’m sort of cheating….I do relax, but not the entire time. And well…it helps. I still manage to get things done, but at the same time I also take enough rest to help me get through the day well enough.
    So what I’m saying is I guess is: don’t force things. Try to relax in small bits, and extend those bits every day a little more. Over time, it should help you relax easier. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but all I can say is that it worked for me…and I was the King of non relaxing😅😅
    Anyways….you take care, and well as I said earlier today in a comment on my own blog: glad to see you again😊

    • I like to use humour as a defence mechanism haha. XD It’s probably why I have a dark sense of humour, oops. Thanks so much for taking the time to share your experiences and offering some advice. I’ll be honest, I’ve never really thought about it in small doses to get used to it. I usually go to one end of the extreme or other. But taking it in small bits sounds like it may actually work well for me, especially with my ADHD. I tried it this morning. I watch a film from bed for about an hour and a half and then I moved to my desk to get some blogging done. I took it slow though, which was also a new experience. Usually I do things fast and or super intensely. (I read your comment last night but wanted to give a proper reply today) Today, I’m going to keep trying to relax in those small doses. I’m think I can read for a short while and then maybe play a game on the Playstation so I can keep that resting bit up. If I get too restless, then I’ll figure out something else. I’ll let you know how it goes over the weekend. 🙂 Thanks again, I appreciate.

      • Haha…well, that part is very recognisable as well, as I tend to laugh away all my problems. In fact it’s become one of my most used phrases: keep on smiling😅😅
        You are of course very welcome, and I really hope it will work. It helped me at least, as I said yesterday I’m definitely not one to relax much either,but by doing it this way, I certainly learned to do it more, and longer😅 Have a good (relaxing) weekend my friend! 😊

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