Sunday Chai & Chat: Adjusting Priorities in the Wake of Death and Responsibility

Good afternoon, chums. I decided to forego chai entirely today in lieu of one of Madame Gabs’ delicious beverages. It’s a boozy peachy, coconut concoction that seems to be the perfect refresher for this blazing hot California day. It’s icy cold and I can taste the peach and coconut very well (and they are exceptionally balanced). What makes this drink so damn dangerous is that you honestly can’t tell there’s any booze in it at all. I could probably toss back five of these without realising what I’m drinking. That is, at least, until I stand up. Amazing how that works. (I’m on my second one and I plan on stopping here.)

On July 25th, I wrote up a Mid-Morning Musings post, where I chatted about my Uncle’s passing and how it had impacted me on an emotional level, as well as what it taught me about grief, anger, and hatred. While I’m still doing relatively well given the circumstances, I have noticed that my perception on the world around me, particularly with respect to my priorities, has started to change and evolve quite a bit. Today, I wanted to briefly touch base on how things are changing and what they shall mean for the future of this blog, BiblioNyan.

If any of you follow me on social media, specifically Twitter or Discord, you have may have already noticed  a couple changes there. For Twitter, I changed my personal account to a BiblioNyan Update account only. What that means is that for the foreseeable future, I shall be sharing brief blog, life (where relevant), and last minute schedule changes on Twitter as a way to keep news pertaining to the blog platform current and up-to-date. If there are media or books that I’m currently loving, then I will promote those on Twitter when I can as well. Beyond that, though, you will find very little to no personal tweets or musings.

For Discord, I left all of the servers that I was a part of and only have Discord up for close friends, family members, and occasional networking where required. I used to be a part of Leth and Yuki’s server, as well Jon Spencer Reviews server. I didn’t leave because of anything that did or didn’t occur there or any of the people. The truth is that I’m always super quiet on group servers due to my severe social anxiety and I just didn’t feel like I was making an adequate contribution to the social climate on these spaces. I have nothing personal going on with the host(s) or members of these servers at all. If I did, I promise I would reach out to the individuals and have a conversation with them like an adult. It’s just a simple matter of not my cup of social chai. I tried it for a very long time and ultimately recognised that it’s merely not my gig, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

With regard to my changes on Twitter, however, it’s almost entirely for mental health reasons, and the fact that as I get older and am faced with new chapters, my priorities are drastically changing. Twitter used to be a welcoming and interesting community for me. While there are still many, many people there whom I love talking to and interacting with, artists and creators that keep me engaged with my own passions and interests, there is a whole other side to the social media platform that is inherently toxic and hateful. I don’t like seeing that kind of stuff on my timeline, and it’s virtually impossible to “cleanse” my timeline of everything that hurts me because as people we are all very multi-faceted, and should feel free to express ourselves in whatever fashion that works for us in a healthy way.  I don’t want to stifle that, and is partly one of the reasons I follow the many people that I do. But scrolling through it over and over again to get to the not-so-triggering-or-toxic can feel utterly daunting. Twitter is also a very easy way for me to “kill time” when I am bored or having severe bouts of ADHD. By the time I finally close out of the app or web page, an hour or two or sometimes more has passed me by. Hours that I could have spent on things that bring me joy or contribute to the self-care of my emotional and physical well-being, but have instead gone towards something that leaves me hollow, miserable, and completely devoid of hope for humanity by the time I’m done. The take-away there is clearly not worth the investment, in my opinion.

Twitter is also where I tend to get a lot of traffic for my blog from, however. So that is why I’m changing it to a network space for BiblioNyan and any other content creating endeavours that I may venture into in the future. It is a nice way to engage with other content creators and also to have brief chats about the industry, collaborative watching gigs (such as AniTwitWatches, hosted by JSR), or upcoming book and media releases. Those are things I enjoy a lot. I just no longer have a desire to share my personal life on a platform such as Twitter, or even Instagram (I have a private account that I use to check in on friends once in a while, but otherwise I don’t use it myself; this could change if I ever pick up travelling, but that’s really about it). It doesn’t seem as necessary or interesting as I once thought it did. Maybe I’m finally just getting too damn old to care about that kind of stuff…

*Sigh* I’m too old for this shit…

My Uncle and I had a rather distanced relationship by the end because I had turned into a terrible person for a short while. He was always like a second father to me, which I discussed in my Mid-Morning Musings post, and I am extremely disheartened that I didn’t get a chance to set things right with him before he passed away. This is a line of thinking that has been eating away at me since he died. All of these extremely sensitive, introspective thoughts helped me to focus on my life and my current priorities, such as blogging, my academic pursuits, and eventual professional desires. Then the more I thought about how much my life revolved around these three main pillars, I started to understand more about my relationships with others, or specifically the lack therein, and how incredibly disconnected I have been from the people that mean the most to me in this life. That’s how I began pondering about Twitter’s toxicity and how much Discord doesn’t do much for me since I’m just an outsider on most of those servers anyway, and various other social-entangled topics.

In three weeks, I shall be starting a Japanese Language and Literature + Comparative World Literature double major at a university I honestly never thought I’d get into, let alone one that would personally invite me to attend their programmes due to the work I’ve done on BiblioNyan. Even though my blog is what got me this opportunity, it can no longer be the brunt of my full focus and concentration. I want to succeed and, not only that, but I want to do something extraordinary with this opportunity. This isn’t just for me as an individual, but it’s also for my immigrant parents who worked their asses off in a strange, foreign, and mostly hateful country to ensure that I would have even a snowball’s chance in hell at such opportunities. It’s for my Uncle who never gave up on me, even when he was disappointed in my youthful immaturity and irresponsibility. He was always rooting for me and supporting me in silence. He had hope when I nor anyone else around me ever did. It’s for my brother who… who embodied everything, and I mean everything that being a brilliant parent and compassionately caring guardian, best friend, confidante, and mentor entails. This is for me, but it’s for my family and my loved ones and their sacrifices made on my behalf. Success isn’t just this tiny morsel of an ideal for me, it’s my respect and gratitude for the people that made this a reality in my life, that made sure I would continue to have a life for a long time to come.

Because blogging was an essential element in my getting this far, I do plan on maintaining BiblioNyan, but it won’t be nearly as active as it typically was prior to pandemic and heart surgery life. My goal is to share at least three posts per week at a minimum. If I have more time, then I’ll write more, but for the most part, it’s taking a dive into part-time life. Besides, I’ve been requested to continue using my platform in conjunction with my programmes to keep doing the work that I used to do before I became sick. The Powers That Be want to see and evolution of sorts, and I’m hoping I won’t disappoint them with that. I may go into more detail about this in the near future, but for the purposes of this post, it’s not relative or important to discuss now.

We can talk about it after lunch

I haven’t written an anime review in over a year (mostly due to heart surgery and recovery but also because of my unpopular opinions/insights), but I shall start picking this back up slowly. I’ll have at least one to two anime reviews going up per month, and as per my Uni programmes and typical review style, I’ll always try to put a cultural or historical emphasis on my anime reviews, and most of them will be positive to some degree or another as I think there’s enough negative reviewing out there and I just don’t want to partake in it for myself, unless it’s absolutely necessary as with Diabolik Lovers. I also won’t review everything I watch; only shows or films that I feel has an important message or thematic aspect that should be discussed. This is assuming that I get any anime watching done with looming deadlines and projects.

In addition to my blogging take a small backseat to my academia life, I shall also be prioritising full acceptance on my identity and working hard on my physical health. While I have been dipping my toes into physical recovery of my heart and lungs with physical therapy, my doctors are ready for me to step up to the next level which shall be far more demanding on my body. Because of the time it will take to increase the intensity of the physical therapy, along with the recovery time in between sessions, this shall significantly decrease extra free-time that I could have allotted to blogging. As you can see, there are many changes heading my way at full speed.

That about does it for my chat on what’s been going on and how life is changing for both me, my socials, and BiblioNyan. I hope you guys won’t mind the changes too much and can bear with me as things slow down for the scenic ride. Break times, such as Winter Break or Summer Break will allow for more increased activities, so that is something to look forward to, but in the meantime, it’s all about university and heart healthy dilutions for the foreseeable future.

If you decide that you no longer want to follow or keep up with BiblioNyan because of these changes, I shall more than understand. I want you to feel safe and have fun around here and if it’s not doing it for you, then you shouldn’t feel stuck to stay. Even so, I do want to bow to you and say thank you so very much for sticking by me, whether it was only for an hour or a day, or if you’ve been here for years. Your support has meant so much to me and I shall always be grateful to you for your time spent on BiblioNyan.

Much love and appreciation to you all. Until next time, keep otakuing and keep hydrated!

See ya around, chum.
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3 thoughts on “Sunday Chai & Chat: Adjusting Priorities in the Wake of Death and Responsibility

  1. I think the decisions and resolutions you’ve made regarding your priorities is something very rare and respectable. I’ll be rooting for your success!

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