I feel a lot of anger, not just today but every single day that I wake up and am constantly questioned or insulted for being nonbinary and gender non-conforming. I’m mad that everyone and their mom thinks it’s okay to question my right to exist as a human being simply because I’m not part of the goddamn gender binary. Or because I love women. Or because I’m brown. Muslim. Trans. Like to curse. Like to vape. Blah, blah, fucking blah.
Fuck you to anyone who believes I need to fill a tiny little box of eugenically disproportionate ideals of “perfection” and “appropriate” and “normal.”
I’m not normal and if it means being like you, then I don’t fucking want to be normal.
I’m abnormal and I’m proud of it.
I’m not normal because I’m a refugee immigrant.
I’m not normal because I have brown skin, black hair, hair on my legs, arms, and occasionally my face.
I’m not normal because I view Jesus as a prophet rather than a God (which doesn’t lessen the respect that I have for him, by the fucking way).
I’m not normal because I’m not a man or a woman. I’m just a person who happens to have a vagina.
I’m not normal because as a person with a vagina, I am attracted to and interested in having romantic and physical affiliations with women. Short end: I like having sex with women and I like falling in love with women, regardless of their parts or origin story, so to speak.
I’m not normal because I’m fat and short.
I’m not normal because I have an accent that “doesn’t match my face.”
I’m not normal because I’m not you.
Thank fucking Boss Man. Who wants to be a person that is so judgmental on my existence because it makes them uncomfortable? Because it forces them to question everything they ever thought they knew was “right” and “standard?” Because it makes them realise how narrow-minded and unknowing they truly are about the world around them?
I will not apologise for existing. I will not apologise for loving who I love. For speaking the way that I do. For believing and practising spirituality the way that I do. I will not apologise for being nonbinary and gender non-conforming. And I sure as fucking hell will never, ever, ever apologise for telling you to stay out of discourse about my right to live free and full. Because… SPOILER ALERT: It ain’t about you.
I feel a lot of anger, not just today but every single day that I wake up and have to answer to the many questions of an ignorant humanity on why I’m a human being that deserves respect. I’m alive. Isn’t that enough?
We breathe the same air.
Attend the same schools.
Live on the same street.
Shop at the same grocery stores.
Cook the same foods.
Pay the same taxes.
Wear the same cotton clothing.
Love the same bands and films and TV shows.
Rock the same Chuck Taylors and nerd T-shirts.
I’m alive just as you are alive. Why isn’t that enough?
Why is it never fucking enough?
The people who want us to bleed loyalty and unconditional reverence to them are the same ones who get to decide my fate. The same people get to decide whether or not I should get the chance to share in the same joys of marriage and equality across education, employment, and existence. These same people are the very ones that would reap my blood and sweat for their profit and precedence and then rape my humanity into the ground.
Because I’m not like you.
And for them, that’s plenty o’ reason enough. Who needs to respect what they don’t understand? Who needs to acknowledge the thing that makes them realise they were wrong all along. Who needs a constant reminder that my presence could be their own child, spouse, parent, neighbour, friend, and more? A slap in the face that what they do to me, others do to their own.
Who needs equality when we have the so-called smart people of the ol’ stars and stripes and their so-called choices? Especially as they rip out our goodwill and bury us into the muddied grave of humiliation, ten feed under with a pat on the back for better luck next time.
I feel a lot of anger, not just today but every single day that I wake up and shaken with the reality and the shame that I will never just be a human being. I will never just be just another person, going to school and trying to work to build a home and a family. I will always and forever be the outsider, the traitor, the deceiver, the terrorist, the faggot, and the confused “tomboy” because I’m not enough. Being not enough gives you the license to discuss my right to exist, not just as a member of society, but as a person who came into the world the same as you, bloodied and crying, knowing that the world will never just let me live free.
Well, fuck you. My deserving of respect and kindness and compassion isn’t your choice to make. My right to exist isn’t up for fucking debate.