Good evening, everyone! Tonight, I will be partaking in the The Real Neat Blogger Award thingy. I would like to give a very special and much appreciated thank you to Karandi @ 100 Word Anime for tagging me to do this! Not only am I sincerely grateful for her continued support, but her questions are the most original and exciting set that I’ve ever encountered. They are basically set-up in a way that tells a small story. So, instead of answering them individually, I thought I could have fun with the questions and write out a completed short story. I could use the writing practise and I think it’s the best way to share my answers.
I’ve listed Karandi’s questions at the beginning here, and the rest of the information for the award will be listed at the end.
I would like to offer a content warning for the story as it contains lots of use of vulgar words. Aside from that, it is a comedy adventure that spoofs some pop culture elements. Please, check out the story and let me know what you think of it in the comments below!
- You just found a portal to a new world, do you enter it willingly and why?
- Once on the other side of the portal (whether you entered willingly or not), you find yourself face to face with the thing that most annoys you. What is it?
- Finding yourself face to face with the thing that most annoys you, you decide that since you aren’t in our world you can react however you want. What do you do?
- While you are dealing with the annoying thing, a group of travellers approach. Who or what would you like in this group (no more than five)?
- One of the travellers attempts to stab you in the back. Who was it and why did they decide to attack you?
- You are saved from being stabbed. Did you save yourself or did someone have to rescue you?
- You decide you want to return home. Explain how you go about getting there.
As I walk out of the bathroom, wearing my Scooby-Doo boxer shorts and a black tank top with knee-high sockies of dinosaurs in space, I am greeted by a random door, just chilling in the middle of my bedroom. I look around my room and find it empty except for my cow-coloured cat who’s napping on the bed. Then I poke my head out of the room and find that I am alone. I return to this unusual door and decide to check it out. After all, what harm can a door bring?
Grabbing the golden knob, I swing the door open and find a pinkish purple swirly void staring back at me. My heart skips with fright, but my curiosity takes over and I decide to step into the swirl. My entire body feels a rush of ice, causing my teeth to chatter, but before I can even begin to adjust to the arctic sensations, I’m tossed out onto my rump on a warm patch of grass. I straighten myself out, pull my sockies back up into position and take a moment to look around. The grass is the greenest I’ve ever seen and the sky above is breath-takingly blue. The sun is warm and bright with a slight breeze in the air. As I push myself into a stance, I shake my head. I left my wintery, rainy home for a realm of…summer?
Seeing shimmering water ahead, I begin walking towards the shore. I can see a forest of overbearing trees on the other-side, making me realise that this is a lake of some sorts. Bending down, I reach towards the water to feel its temperature. Right before my fingers can break the surface, something shoots out, spraying me in the face and chest with cold moisture. Falling back on my rump again, I try to shake the water from my face. After I’ve composed myself somewhat, I inspect my surroundings. That’s when I notice a small humanoid shape trotting towards me.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I mumble with mild annoyance.
“Ahoy, friend!” It spoke with a slightly squeaky voice. He’s dressed all in green with a hood that has pointed ears. Red bloomers sit over his spandex type attire with a brown belt around the waist.
“Please don’t tell me your name is Tingle.” I say hesitantly.
“Oh my! How did you know?” His excitement caused his voice to rise a few octaves, making me cringe. Shaking my head, I turned away from him and started walking, hoping that my strides would help me escape his presence. Yet, I could hear him calling out behind me, and I knew immediately that evading him would be no easy task.
Listening to the sound of his feet stumbling on the gravel beside the lake, I began to slow down slightly. Gauging that he was coming closer and closer, I finally just stopped. He ran into my butt and fell back. I faced Tingle, this atrocious irritant from one of my favourite video game franchises. For the first time, I actually took in the sight of him.
He must be very light, I thought given how short and tiny he was. Grinning to myself, I reached my hand out to him. Tingle believed I was helping him up. Little did he know that I had other plans in mind. Grabbing his hand tightly, I heaved him off the ground and began to spin around in a circle, gaining momentum. Then I released my hold on him and watched him fly, head over arse, towards the lake. He landed with a giant sploosh somewhere in the middle. Feeling immensely satisfied, I spun around and strode away.
As I make it a decent distance away from the lake, I hear a voice coming from behind me once more. Feeling stunned and a bit worried it may be Tingle again, I slowed down and looked over my shoulder. That’s when I saw a small group of people trying to catch my attention. I waited for them to join up, and when they finally did, my jaw fell to the ground.
Okay, just what the bloody hell was in that Milo last night? I thought, astonished.
Standing before me was Morgana in full-blown cat form, Diran Bastiaan and the half-Orc Ghaji, and lastly Deadpool. Staring at this supremely strange motley crew of folks from some of my favourite franchises, I knew my jaw had would be difficult to close.
“You look like you just saw a goat fucking a whale,” chimes in Deadpool in his cheery, sardonic voice. I immediately start laughing. That was the most Deadpool statement ever.
“Yeah, it kind of feels like I did, to be honest.” I reply awkwardly with my cheeks aching.
We all chat for a few minutes and discover that each of us found a similar portal and, naturally, our desire to learn more had brought us to this unusual world. We decide to stick together as we go searching for another door to take us home. Morgana insisted that where there was a door in, there had to be a door out.
We had been walking for hours when it became dark and we decided we should make camp. After we settled down, we ate some freshly caught fish for dinner, and shared where we were from, then it was time for bed. I curled up with Morgana and fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke to the sounds of rustling from somewhere very close. Feeling alarmed, I sat up and shifted my eyes towards where I heard the noise. I was greeted with a ninja sword pointed dangerously close to my chest whilst being attached to Deadpool.
Then he screamed.
Followed by Morgana screaming.
We all had a screaming party.
“Dude, what the fuck?” He shouted. “You scared the unicorn shit out of me. I’m going to have to change my hero pants now.”
“Are you fucking kidding?” I yell back. “I should be asking you that, you sonofawhore!”
“Excuse me, my mother was not a whore. She was a nice lady who occasionally took money for some polite dick-wetting.”
By this point I was sitting with my arms crossed over my chest, giving him a glare that would bleed kittens. Speaking of, Morgana was sitting beside me doing very much the same.
“Ninja-pool, just what were you up to?” He asked, eyebrow raised.
“Uh… well, I thought if we sacrificed the only non-story character then the door would arrive faster and I could go home to my girl for some sweet loving.”
We stared at him like his head exploded.
“Yeah… not cool, I know.”
“You think?” I said, yelling once more out of sheer frustration.
Suddenly, we heard an angry growl coming from across the fire. Ghaji had been awoken by all of our arguing and attempted murdering. He stalked over to us, punched Deadpool in the face, which sent him flying onto this back. As he groaned and moaned about broken bones and how his nose was his best non-discernible feature, Ghaji grabbed the Pool’s katana and stabbed him through the chest with it, all the way down to the hilt so that he was shish-kabobbed to the ground. That was when Wade complained about being lucky that he was immortal and whatnot. I rolled my eyes but smirked from cheek to cheek. Serves him right, the asscunt.
“Some people are trying to sleep,” Ghaji growled as he stood over him with a terribly angry sneer upon his greenish complexion. “If you move from this position, at all, I’ll take your ugly face off.”
“Uh, my ugly face? Bro have you seen yo—”
“He’s right. Just be quiet and let us all sleep for tomorrow. Besides you don’t want to make him angry,” Diran answered from behind the towering half-Orc.
“Do all green people turn into massive, murderous dicknuggets when they get pissed off?” Deadpool asked with genuine fascination.
When everyone started to glare at me, I clasped my hand over my mouth and mumbled a muffled apology.
“This isn’t him angry?” Morgana said curiously.
“Not in the least,” I added with a small chuckle. When they all looked to me again, I shrugged. I had read the books enough to know Ghaji’s temperament like the back of my hands. Shortly afterwards we all decided to try to get some more rest.
In the morning, we all got up, freshened up in the lake, which seemed to have no end, and began talking about how we could get home. Diran and Ghaji had loved ones they needed to save from an evil Lich Queen back in the Lhazaar Principalities, Morgana needed to finish hunting down the ultimate palace of despair with Ren and the gang in Shibuya, and Deadpool had a gorgeous woman to go home to and make baby unicorns with. Me? Well, I really missed my cats… and my cinnamon spice oatmeal with chocolate chips.
After an hour of arguing and not making any headway, we heard a loud, thundering noise coming from the lake. Turning towards it, we all saw water spewing out in a frothy fountain. After sharing startled and befuddled expressions, we made our way towards the lake. The sight that befell us was magnificently unfathomable, to say the least.
The Watcher in the Water had risen above the surface of the lake with Tingle standing on top of him. Tentacles were writhing around as they both gawked at us. Well, Tingle gawked. The Watcher… we mostly gawked at it.
“Oh… shit…” I muttered, recalling how I had treated the little green brat the previous day. Had I known he had a bloody kraken as a friend, I may have been nicer. May have. As I focused on him the best that I could, I saw that his mouth was moving as if he were speaking. Initially, we couldn’t hear a single word. When Deadpool shouted as much to him, he pulled out a wand from who knows where, gave it a twirl, and spoke again. This time we could hear him clearly as if he were standing beside us.
“My name is Tingle. You are all in the wrong realm and must return to your own immediately if you don’t want to get stuck here forever.”
Ghaji growled at how obvious that statement was. Diran patted him lightly on the shoulder in understanding and as way to help keep the half-Orc’s anger in check.
Deadpool… well he was Deadpool. Getting excited about the tentacles, he ran towards the damn thing, hopped up on of them and began hilariously dancing his way towards the forest fairy, all the while muttering about living out his greatest hentai fantasies.
“I’m sorry for throwing you in the lake,” I mumbled awkwardly, wishing the weird, magical communication spell thing worked both ways. When he smiled, I knew he had heard me.
“Don’t worry about it, friend.” His voice was kind and I felt like an arse.
“How do we get home?” I asked.
“Your friend here has the right idea.” Tingle said, gesturing towards Wade.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” I replied with disbelief. I remembered what that monster thing did to the small hobbits and I didn’t feel comfortable going anywhere near it.
“No, not at all.” Tingle answered with a beam. “Here let me show you! Kooloo-Limpah!” He waved his wand over The Watcher in circular motions and we all watched with shock as it rose a bit more out of the water and spread open it’s giant maw. Inside, surrounded by dozens of sharp teeth, was the pinkish purply swirl of the portal we were all seeking.
Exchanging more looks of scepticism and uncertainty, we all knew that given how ridiculous everything had been thus far, there was no reason that our ride home wouldn’t be just as outrageous.
Deadpool, who was standing at the end of one of the tentacles that was raised the highest, spread his arms out and shouted, “Hold on, baby! Daddy’s come home to get some!” Then he dove in and disappeared.
Collectively we sighed again and then ran towards the lake, preparing for the most incredible yet absurd part of the adventure yet.
When I woke up, I was laying atop my bed with the blankets folded neatly beneath me, surrounded by kitties, and soaked in sweat. I pulled myself into a sitting position and raked the sweaty tendrils of hair from my face. I glanced to my nightstand and gazed at the empty cup sitting there, a small residue of chocolate glazed the bottom.
“Seriously. What the actual fuck was in that damned milo?”
- Display the logo.
- Thank the blogger that nominated you and share a link to their blog.
- Answer the questions of the one who nominated you.
- Nominated 7-10 bloggers.
- Ask them 7 questions.
- What is your favourite type of post to write?
- What are two posts from this year that you feel most proud of?
- What is your favourite feel-good narrative? (This can be from books, anime, video games, etc.)
- If you could conquer any fear in this moment, what would it be?
- What are two traits that you feel you do well as a blogger? (For example, writing good synopses, creating graphics, telling jokes, etc.)
- Do you have a blogging pet peeve? If so, what is it?
- What inspires you to blog?
My questions are pretty basic, haha. Doing this thing is completely optional, so don’t feel you have to if you have other obligations, don’t have an interest, or anything else. I just want to say that I admire the people I’ve tagged (and tons of people I didn’t tag), and the nominations are a way to share my appreciation for you and your part in the community!