Mid-Morning Musings: Unravelling My Reading Limitations

Being a moody reader can be amazing at times because I never know what journey I’ll be embarking on next. Will it be another world of cryptic messages all leading to a legendary treasure? Shall I be running and screaming for my life from the gruesome fingers of some crazed killer? Or will I be stepping into a land of magic and dragons? How about a faraway city of diverse people falling in love in the most unexpected of ways? This transition from one to the next completely different narrative is wonderfully enthralling.

onizuka blushing

*thinks about gay ladies falling in love.*

Even with its benefits, however, it can also be a colossal pain in my arse, and an inexorably frustrating one too, particularly where readathons are concerned. A few weeks ago I chatted about the pros and cons of readathons, where I outlined that there are many perks to these bibliophilic events, however, they also come with their set of pitfalls. One of those things are burnouts, or just simply falling into slumps. With the start of July came a fantastic readathon that I had been awaiting forever without realising how much I needed something like it in my life. Yet, very shortly after kicking off, I fell into one the worst reading ruts I’ve had in a long time, probably since mid-2018.

I’m going to be blunt: this fucking sucks and has been so draining on me mentally that I ended up taking a self-care retreat for the past few days from pretty much everything that I love doing, including working (i.e.: blogging). I haven’t been able to read consistently and comfortably since around July 6th to 7th. Outlining even basic content ideas leave me feeling very burned out, especially since most of them pertain to books in some form or another. Watching anime has also proven slightly difficult because I know that if I become excited—negatively or positively—about whatever I’m watching, I’m going to want to talk about it on BiblioNyan, which means I’d have to create or write. It’s been a vicious fucking cycle, my chums.

Then yesterday while I was whining about this like a kid banned from consuming chocolaty delights, Sir Besty—whom I was whining too—casually mentioned that readathons clearly aren’t for me. Accepting that as reality should help me move right along. I kind of just stared at her for a while because the concept is so damn basic and makes the most sense. I was shocked I didn’t think of it first (best friends always think of the best solutions first and rather easily, don’t they?). Then I realised it probably didn’t occur to me because the whole notion of it makes me feel so sad. But the truth is the truth: I’ve outgrown readathons and they aren’t my cup o’ chai any longer. See appropriate sad gif below.

onizuka crying

Betrayed by my own brain.

My mate, Aimal, created such a brilliant readathon and that was the biggest reason I didn’t want to give up on my reading. I wanted to support her and be a part of this community event. It even revolved around one of my favourite genres: adult fantasy. Yet, by pushing through my rut and ignoring how much my brain was suffering due to sheer stubbornness ended up costing me quite a bit mentally. Accepting my limits with readathons was such a difficult thing to do. I spent a whole week and a couple days coming to terms with it. But I miss working and reading and just doing the shtick I love to do.

I suck at readathons and I cannot do them any longer. They make me burn-the-fuck-out and fall into the deepest, darkest pits of slumping imaginable. So, I officially give up on the IronTomeAThon readathon. If I do partake in any readathons in the future, it’ll be the Dewey’s 24-Hour Readathon only. These are just short enough to not affect my mental bibliophilic fortitude and there are no restrictions or limitations to them that should create any kind of blocks. Apart from that, I’m positively finito with these gigs.

giphy-3

My stubbornness surfing me into a mental breakdown.

One of the things that blogging, and the consistent practise of self-care as well, has taught me over the past year or so is that if something isn’t working for me, it’s 100% okay for me to put it aside and move onto the next thing. I shouldn’t have to feel a sense of obligation to an activity, interest, or even person, if they aren’t bringing me joy in my life. If I can look at this thing in my life, which has been dubbed Thingmaster 1000 for the purposes of this post, and only make negative associations with it or ponder how much it’s causing me difficulties, and if it’s expungable, then I need to revaluate Thingmaster 1000’s involvement in my existence. Appropriate dissections must be made to remove Thingmaster 1000 from my life and then I can promptly move the fuck along.

Sometimes life is only as uncomfortable and complicated as we make it out to be. Easy and simple solutions can feel like cheating. Life isn’t worth it if we’re not suffering or facing some sort of grand challenge, right? WRONG! Easy and simple and even straight up lazy solutions are always welcome. Always, always, always welcome. Dealing with this readathon shtick has helped me recognise that concept and take comfort in knowing that the kick-back solutions are a gift that I’m always going to take without hesitation. Afterall, life can be a gargantuan tough-as-bollucks, kick-in-the-knickers all on its own without us adding more salt to it, am I right?

Anyway, that was my life lesson for the week. I’m glad that it was a rather painless one (when compared to other recent events) with a carefree resolution. I feel lighter and even a bit eager to crack open a fresh new book for the first time in a while! The more you know! 😉

Thank you for taking the time to visit me this morning. I hope you have a great day ahead!


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10 thoughts on “Mid-Morning Musings: Unravelling My Reading Limitations

  1. I have never really participated in a read-a-thon, but eh I don’t think I could either. Anyways it’s pretty much what I always say: do the things you want to do, and love instead of things that make you become annoyed. I hope you will get back to reading eventually again, but I’m pretty sure you will 😊 As always great post 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s good you were able to find clarity around the issue. It’s definitely normal for us to grow and change with what we enjoy and how we like to do things.

    Oh, and I have a similar experience as you and the difficulty taking a break and watching and anime. Sometimes I get in the mood to blast through a kdrama and just take a day enjoying it, but then I’m like, if I do that, I have to write about it right away! There’s goes my break 😛 It’s a conundrum, lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Okay, great, I keep hitting the wrong key and entering replies I am nowhere near done with. Sigh.

      As I was saying, quitting is okay. One of the big and most awesome, joyful lessons of taking control over your own life and self-healing is that it is okay to say no, it is okay to stop something that you are not enjoying. If anything makes you miserable, then stop it! And it is OKAY. If it makes you miserable it is a BAD THING for YOU (not necessarily for everyone, but for you anyway and you are taking care of you). The list of things I quit when I cut myself loose of the abusers goes on for days, and I still quit things because I discover after starting them of course, that I don’t actually have the interest or whatever to pursue them. To some people (I know you’ll hardly believe me) they do this without a single second thought. They don’t like something, they quit it. Tada. Wish it was that easy for us, but of course we have to agonize over it because of our past experiences and beliefs. But do it. And keep doing it. And experience the joy and freedom of CHOICE and control over your own life.

      Now I feel bad that I might have encouraged you 😦 but if it helps – I’m working in my self readathon of the In Death series as I go so that if I hit a fantasy book I do NOT like (and I have) I can set it aside and set the whole readathon aside for a day or two and go read a mystery I know I’ll like. Like you I read numerous genres and crave a constant variety. And of course, I quit reading adult fantasy for good reasons, and I have to say those reasons have been reinforced – but I’ve also found some new discoveries that don’t annoy me (for lack of a better description). So that’s a good thing for me. It’s healing me a little from a rift that came between me and one of my favorite genres. But yeah, if I suddenly decide its making me miserable, I’m outta there. I know it’s hard to come to that place – it took me a lot of years (I am about twice as old as you are) but you’ll get here. This is a good first step.

      Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Blessedbe.

      Oh, and love to Sir Besty for being there and being true.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad I gave it a shot. It wasn’t a bad experience because it taught me my limits. As you said, learning that it’s okay when something isn’t for you personally isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s really quite great and I appreciate learning my limits with readathons finally. Now I’ll know to not get involved haha.

        Sir Besty is the bestest. ♥

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, exactly. I’ve done two readathons this month and learned several things. And I always like and appreciate learning! I’ll probably do an actual blog post about it when the month is over. I know, don’t die of shock. LOL.

          Like

  3. Woot, admitting something isn’t for you and walking away, is such a big thing! Most people struggle with this and refuse to walk away even when it isn’t healthy to keep doing it. So, I’m super happy for you that you are able to do so. After some prodding on my part :p but still good job!

    Liked by 1 person

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