The world fucking sucks right now. When I look outside and see the barren streets, I feel like I’m in a post-apocalyptic setting straight out of one of them book things I love to keep my nose in. Schools, jobs, and everything else have gone on lock-down to try and contain the chaos of COVID-19. Sometimes it feels so fucking surreal to me. Oh, and it’s also depressing as hell.
As a supremely introverted person, there are times when I wake up and feel like I’m suffocating in a space that has always been my sanctuary. It’s been a place to come back to. A modest building I can return to for a cup of cocoa and comforts in ways that only home can provide. My mind has been exhausted from the worry of what comes next. My body is beaten from walking through the same five rooms over and over again, and my depression and anxiety has been taking full fucking advantage of it all.
Even so, I won’t leave my house because I don’t wanna be the goddamn vector for this virus villain. I refuse to carry it to others who are far more immunocompromised and at-risk than I am. While I can be pretty self-evolved at times, what justification is there for being selfish enough to lead others to slaughter?
So, as a human who likes to go on walks at the park or visit book stores and libraries (which are also on lock-down) as a part of their self-care shenanigans, how can I take care of my mental health during this shitstorm of uncertainty? And according to Madame Gabs crying every day in a fort made of my humongous stack of library books doesn’t count. Which is damn rude.
I do things like build forts out of my walls and walls of unread books.
There are a lot of other people who’d tell you that self-care during a time of crisis is wrong and selfish. I only agree with this sentiment if the routine involves going outside of the house and putting others at risk (BY GOING OUTSIDE). Aside from that, self-care is super important right now. We have to take care of ourselves mentally and emotionally because when the brown clouds of this thing finally clear, we are going to have to find a way to start living again. To pick things up and try and move forward with whatever pieces are left. I dunno about you, but I want to make sure I’m prepared for it. As much as I can be.
And no, I don’t mean that I should go out there and hoard a bunch of stuff that other people need because that’s just as selfish and fucked-up as going outside to begin with. Get your ass back in the house and stop looting all the pasta, Betty.
So, in an attempt to hold on to the remnants of grey matter that isn’t devoted to things like maintaining a decent GPA or remembering to take my heart meds (I suck at this, btw), I’ve been trying to find ways to keep myself occupied with things that help me relax. When I’m fed up of it or it stops being therapeutic, then I move on to something else. This is even more challenging when my ADHD decides to wake the fuck up and have a never-ending rave. I’m glad it’s having fun. Someone bloody deserves to.
For today’s post, rather than sit here in my battered computer chair and chat about something motivational and inspiring (too damn exhausted for it today, yo), I wanted to show you a side that I rarely reveal on the blog space (yay professionalism-ish): my IRL personality and five different ways it’s coping with self-quarantine.
Spoiler alert: It’s really not.
05. Books, Books, All the Bloody Books
Today, I shamelessly admit that I have about 1,000 unread books on my shelf (it’s more like 2,000, but hey, tomAto, tomAATo). I’ve finally started to read through them now that I have all this extra time inside my house. When I don’t read them, I take amateur pictures of them or, as mentioned above, I build things out of them. My current project is a cat throne for the King of the World, Sir Khebbertons I.
04. It Ain’t Clean if It’s Not Mr Clean
I don’t know if that’s actually the saying, but while I was cleaning my kitchen earlier, I remembered the old Mr Clean commercials and… oh, fuck it.
My OCD tends to manifest itself in times of great stress. I will clean every room and every surface multiple times until I can break my brain away from it long enough to find something else to obsess over. This is great because my house is germ-free and smells like pumpkin pie (one of my favourite candles). On the other hand, this sucks because when the house is exceptionally clean and nothing else is working to occupy my attention, I don’t have anything to do except to sit in my book fort and ruminate over the shit that’s stressing me out. Either way, the cleaning bit is fun, though.
03. Living Up to that Anti-Social Blogger Nerd Name
I’ve been blogging a lot more than I initially planned when I returned at the beginning of March. My goal was to share one post per day because it would help prevent burnout and wouldn’t interfere with my schooling. That went out the door rather quickly, didn’t’ it? Since school is on Teachers-Learning-To-Tech vacation, I had the extra time to write more. Blogging has been a saviour for my mental health because it allows me to creatively express myself, which sometimes is just getting out all of my pent-up frustrations (like this hot mess of a self-care post). I don’t share those posts because, well… Y’all will probably think I’m weirder or something. I mean look at this post. It’s mad, I tell you! MAAAAD!
Caffeine probably doesn’t help it.
02. Writing and Drawing and Chasing the Kitty
Aside from the blogging shenanigans, the self-quarantine has given me a lot of time to focus on all my writing projects. I’ve one contemporary that is inspired by the first woman I ever loved (it’s sappy and I hope it’ll make everyone cry). Then there’s an oceanic Polynesian-inspired fantasy thing. I also have a poetry manuscript that has been finished for ages, but I keep adding to it because, why not? Additionally, I’ve gotten back into writing Skip Beat! fan fiction and making all the fans of those stories writhe with impatient glee and it’s sadistically satisfying.
When I’m not writing, I’ve been working on my art. It’s a growing passion that I don’t give a lot of attention to because I’m insecure about my abilities right now. Hopefully in the future when I’m feeling less negative about it, I’ll share some stuff with y’all. Lastly, I chase my cats around the house. We play tag, seriously. I have to get my exercise in somehow.
01. ALL THE VIGI GAMES EVER!!!
Video gaming is my number one form of self-care while I’m stuck in this house of cat hair and hot cocoa. Madame Gabs has a bitching awesome gaming machine that I have been taking full fucking advantage of. Games allow me to completely escape the reality of what is going on. While I don’t ignore it all the time because that would be unhealthy for a number of reasons, I do find that stepping away for extended periods has been a marvellous way for me rejuvenate my mind and my emotions. It keeps the depression and anxiety at bay whilst giving me some of the strangest fucking dreams around. For example, last week I had dream about Claptrap in space while my cat and a horse were talking about humans being dumb on the bridge of our ship. NO JOKE! I blame the heart drugs…
Borderlands 3 came out on Steam last week and that’s been my main obsession. I fucking love this franchise and it’s so much fun to play! I’ve also been playing Metroid: Samus Returns on my Nintendo 3DS, and Octopath Traveller for the Nintendo Switch. I’ll be starting Hyrule Warriors later today. If I didn’t have video games, I honestly would not be keeping it together at all.
Contrary to how this post may make it seem.
Those are a handful of ways of that I have been participating in self-care while being stuck at home. Other smaller things that I like to do once in a while is make some chai and listen to music, dabble in HTML (so fricking therapeutic and relaxing, OMG), outline BookTube videos I’m too chicken to record, wordsearch puzzles, and waste time on Pinterest/Tumblr. Oh, WASH MY HANDS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. (Yay, germaphobia)
Remember to do some self-care of your own. In your house. Where it’s safe. By washing your hands. And STAYING INSIDE. At the very least, stay the bleeding hell away from other people.