January shall come to end in exactly one week. It feels absolutely astounding to me that most of us survived the last four years and made it into 2021. If someone had asked me back then what I expected for the future, the events of the last four years definitely would not have occurred to me. It came like a swift storm in the middle of the night, wreaked its incredible havoc, and then left just as quickly, leaving behind a trail of trauma, tragedy, and travesty of all sorts. But it also showed us a strength within ourselves. A fortitude to never give up hope, no matter how fucking exhausting and hopeless reality seems. I take comfort in knowing that while there was much lost in these last four years, there is still much to gain in the years to come. I keep my fingers crossed and my heart humble as I step into the future.
With that mushy and unexpected introduction aside (I blame the Metal Gear V soundtrack as that is what I’m currently listening to), welcome to a new segment here on BiblioNyan. I chat a lot about anime and books and self-care with an occasional prattling of video games. Sometimes I’ll even rant about the uncertainties and the solemnity of life in my Mid-Morning Musings. Yet, beyond all of these things, when the content that I create is shoved aside for a moment, just who the hell am I?
I am person who is struggling through life just like millions of other folx out there. A human who barely has their shit figured out, even at the ripe age of thirty-something. At the end of the day, or even at the start of it depending on whether you’re a nocturnal beast like me or a sunshine bird, I’m no different than you or the people you may or may not share a life with. I wanted to create a small space here where I can chat with you candidly every couple weeks about life and how things are going. Whether I’m kicking it’s arse or it’s beating the living hell out of my own. I suppose I just wanted people to see me for who I truly am. No pretences, no bullshite. I’m a fairly lonely person in my life. Maybe this can be a way to help alleviate some of that unwanted solitude.
So… welcome to Sunday Chai and Chat! I have a cup o’ chai next to me with a plate of coconut biscuits and I wanted to check-in with you as we navigate deeper into the new year.
The first few weeks of January for me are always a bit foggy and chaotic. It’s a time for me to figure out what I wish to accomplish over the upcoming twelve months and to evaluate what worked in the past and what didn’t. Thus far I have realised that I have no idea what I actually want to do with my life aside from acquiring more knowledge and studying subjects that fascinate me. I also want to keep writing books and hope one day that one of them will get published, and I want to keep creating content for BiblioNyan in whatever shape or form that may come in. I also really need to finish the Fan Fiction stories that my cousins and I began since we’ve been getting a shite ton of e-mails about them.
Beyond that, my January has been rather uneventful. I poured my heart out to someone and I’m sure that a rejection is probably headed my way. They asked for time to figure things out, and I want to give them the space they need to do that. But my instincts are telling me to prepare for the worst, which is tough shite. I ain’t going to lie and say I’m handling it well because I’m most decidedly not. My depression and anxiety have been through the fucking roof as I wait. Yet, it’s a part of life, so all I can do is move forward in the meantime.
Aside from personal relationship shenanigans, I’m very excited about the writing I have been crafting lately. It’s been so much fun putting together a diverse cosy mystery series as well as continuing my adventure with my adult fantasy novel. The challenges to my creativity, albeit frustrating at times, has been extremely exciting and validating.
Recovery from heart surgery is almost over, finally. I can start doing low-impact exercises to build strength in my heart and lungs and I’m supremely ecstatic over this. My goal is to get back into boxing and martial arts by the start of Summer, which will require quite a hefty dedication to my physical therapy. I miss feeling healthy in my own skin and body (it’s not about weight for me, it’s just about feeling stronger and more capable of taking care of myself independently). My former shishō is waiting for me to get to a point where we can start working together again. I both look forward to learning from him and also dread the torture that my body shall undergo in order to rebuild its strength.
That basically covers my January in a nutshell. I did announce earlier that I was going to study Pharmacy studies and Biology at university in the coming semesters. While that is still the plan, I do want to keep an open mind in case if something else comes my way. I’m a very emotionally and intellectually impulsive person. This gets me into a lot of fucking trouble because my desire to learn, or more specifically the subjects I wish to dedicate myself to, change so fluidly and so often due to this impulsiveness. Having ADHD also doesn’t help me much. But as long as I’m moving forward by doing my best, I feel like that the best way to live life. To experience the most of what it can offer within my means and capabilities in the moments you’re faced with.
Anyhoo, enough about me. I’d love to know how you are fairing thus far in 2021. Do you have anything you’d like to accomplish? A reading goal or a video game goal perhaps? Or maybe you just want to survive it without any more political chaos? I’d love to hear from you and know that you’re doing okay.
Until next time, stay frosty, folx! Cheers.